The Days of Abandonment
An evocative novel that explores the emotions of a woman
“Existence is this, I thought, a start of joy, a stab of pain, an intense pleasure, veins that pulse under the skin, there is no other truth to tell”
~ Elena Ferrante, The Days of Abandonment
I am not sure if the book The Days of Abandonment should be seen as the story of a single mother, a betrayed wife or a betrayed lover. I can say, I do have access to feelings of a betrayed lover and have seen the life of a single mother.
Elena Ferrante, the author poignantly depicts the emotions and the story and feelings of a person who falls into all three buckets. Ferrante’s work though short in comparison to other novels I’ve read packs in some intense writing and takes the reader on a journey where he/she anticipates the next event quite eagerly.
The Brief Plot
A spoiler free plot of the novel would probably say that the story is that of a woman who suddenly has to take responsibility for the entire household, a dog and two children when her husband leaves for a younger woman.
Olga finds that she is either incompetent or incapable of managing chores and responsibilities that her husband, Mario, took care of when they were together. The emotional trauma forces her to make mistakes and struggle further in this process.
She is unable to quickly let go of her husband as she recalls that similar incidents had occurred with the same “other-woman” in the past as well. But it takes quite a while to digest that the split is permanent.
Eventually she finds a way out of the emotional trauma while enduring a sense of shame, anger and betrayal in spite of the new stability she has found for herself.
I want to write about how the two out of the three character personas layered into Olga impacted me as a reader. A quick recap on the three layers I wrote in the introduction of this post.
a betrayed lover
a single mother
a betrayed wife
Comparison With a New Lover
Olga didn’t see her husband as a person filling a societal role alone. She had fallen in love with him and her love intensifies when she knows that he has left her for a younger woman.
Firstly, when your partner leaves for another person there is always a sense of comparison and competition.
It comes as a shock to you but they have already negotiated all emotions and built a bridge to their future. You’re the one who is clueless about the way forward when the news breaks out.
How is this new person in comparison to me?
How could I have been better?
These kind of questions kill you from within. One might advise a person in this scenario to avoid comparison and fact-finding missions. But it is unavoidable. The process could hurt you first but eventually, the things that you learn in the process help you make peace with the tragedy.
Travails of a Single Mother
Single mothers who end up with the kids for whatever reason have a double burden. They need to take care of all the shared responsibilities while holding together their own emotional universe.
This is a tall ask for someone who has not had exposure to the world outside their role as mothers.
The reader can empathise with the way Olga deals with her anger and pain in spite of the secretive and wholly irresponsible manner of separation on part of the husband. Even the children are forced take sides in a conflict that was noway related to them.
The question of loyalty to the primary caretaker becomes an issue as the story progresses and the idea of shared parenting also becomes tainted by the cheating on part of the father. Of course, the book doesn’t offer any commentary but depicts the conundrum effectively.
Worth Reading?
I would not recommend this book for anyone going through some sort of emotional trauma.
But it is a great insight into human nature, especially that of a mother who has been betrayed. The impact of the havoc which is often not visible to the public eye is portrayed with finesse. Totally worth it if you are a curious reader.