Self-Worth
Compiling my thoughts on this topic
"To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance."
~ Oscar Wilde
“Self-worth is the intrinsic value and respect one assigns to oneself, independent of external validation or achievements.
It reflects confidence, self-acceptance, and belief in one's abilities and inherent dignity, fostering resilience and healthy boundaries.
Cultivating self-worth involves recognising personal strengths and embracing imperfections without seeking approval from others.”
~ Grok (an AI ChatBot)
I have been thinking a lot about the idea of “self-worth” and how drives my choices and actions.
I speak for myself in this piece and these ideas may not be applicable to others. However, I will be glad if this post helps shape your idea of self-worth inadvertently.
Boundary Conditions
Firstly, I want to set some boundary conditions before I get into the chain of thoughts that I want to present.
I don’t want to acquire a tone of self-pity while exploring instances where I had no clue about my self-worth or did not respect myself in any given scenario.
Similarly, I don’t want to adopt a grandiose tone when I felt that I acted in a way that reinforced or enhanced my self-worth.
Without balanced approach, every idea or ideology can crumble and damage those who subscribe to it.
So, the idea of self-worth should not morph into self-pity or narcissism while we try to define and honour our self-worth.
Expediency and Inner Void
I did not appreciate the idea of self-worth until recently. The idea itself was abstract and boundary-less.
I valued myself based on my academic achievements, job, income and intelligence. Once you understand the meaning of self-worth, you realise that none of these are pre-requisites to feel “worthy”.
It was something that I dealt with on a case-to-case basis. On some occasions I deprioritised thoughts about my self-worth for the sake of immediate gains.
For example, I might have shared a cigarette with a girl I liked just to grow closer to her. On other occasions, I agreed to the idea of my date going out with others so that she could “figure out” herself.
These things happened because I had not realised or recognised my own self-worth.
Probably, the idea that I was imperfect and had some deficiencies supported the conscious de-prioritisation of my self-worth. But again, this circles back to the lack of a solid idea of the concept in the first place.
On other occasions, I probably threw any thoughts about self-worth just to fill an inner void that was gnawing at me from the inside.
I totally ignored all financial discipline and got drunk at times to make my void go away. These incidents were absolutely detrimental to the growth and sustenance of my self-worth.
Slippery Slopes and Long-Term Damage
The idea of self-worth either gets preserved or gets diluted based on how you allow others to treat you. The idea that one needs to train others how to treat you is an essential one.
Can you allow someone to steamroll over your dignity and be neglectful or rude without facing any consequences.
Some might accuse you of being too sensitive or too finicky if you point it out. Others might put you on a guilt trip for being “too-full-of-oneself”.
One can agree that there can be nuances. But once you ignore or excuse others’ bad behaviour too often, you slide down the slippery slope of eroding self-worth.
You end up believing that what you’re getting is what you deserve.
On other occasions you end up punishing yourself disproportionately for small errors because you don’t consider yourself human enough to make some mistakes.
The way you treat yourself is as important as the way you allow others to treat you.
Not paying attention to both dimensions can lead to compounding of damage and an accumulation of wounds that ensure that you crumble from within.
You become fragile and self-sabotage at every step when your sense of self-worth is either absent or weak.
Rediscovering and/or Rebuilding Self-Worth
If you feel worthless at times, you might want to rediscover or rebuild your self-worth. The difference between the two can be subjective and you might want to discuss this with a mental health professional in the context of your situation.
But, I can comment on this issue from my experience.
Firstly, one should identify one’s own values and achievements. One should recognise that human dignity that is often recommended to others should be given to oneself as well. We are human and we make mistakes.
But in spite of that, we are worthy of dignity. This is a very simple and basic thing.
But I am shocked when I recognise moments when I absolutely forgot this fundamental truth. I had reached a point where I felt like absolute worthless shit.
Rebuilding from this point was definitely not easy. The first step that I took was to stop further damage to whatever self-worth was left at that point.
That meant that I had to cut losses before thinking about regaining self-worth.
After I had found my foot at a very basic level, i.e. realising that I was worthy and not an absolute piece of trash, I revisited values and ideas that I had subscribed to all along. I made sure that I followed them on a daily basis.
It was hard sometimes. I relapsed a few times. But eventually, with every positive behaviour, my self-worth got a fillip.
This journey can be unique for every individual. It may take shorter time or a longer time based on where you are. Having a therapist or a mentor along the way can be helpful.
But no amount of mourning and philosophising can replace real action.
That’s a thumb rule that I want the reader to take away from this piece. This applies to almost all kinds of emotional and psychological challenge that one is presented with.
With this, I end my thought dump. It helped clarify to myself what it takes to understand and protect my self-worth.
Let's remember to be kind to ourselves... beautifully written!!!