Grief is a huge monster. Its tentacles spread across the past, present and the future.
It engulfs your relationships, work and decision making.
Sometimes you are trying to compensate. On other occasions you are designing games to overcome the memory of pain.
Some days you feel some sort of achievement can compensate for the loss that caused the grief. You may or may not achieve anything for that matter. This path gets boring after a point.
Then, one explores path of pleasure. A movie might make you happy. Or a tasty meal. Maybe a waffle. Or even a sweet dish. There is no end to this path. But it never touches the raw endings of grief and keeps you distracted.
The other path one might explore is physical endurance. Maybe a gym session or a boxing workout. Running, swimming or yoga? Well, the set of options available are innumerable. It doesn’t work after a while though your health might improve.
If things listed above don’t work or grievances pile up, you can fall into vices. It could be alcohol, cigarettes or something else. It doesn’t lead very far. No points for guessing. Your level guilt goes deeper. It’s worse than all options discussed so far.
Somehow, you end up reading some quotes on Instagram and feel philosophy, journaling, therapy, love, art, music and meditation can solve grief. This path might show you some openings. But how many really find light at the end of the tunnel?
After going through all these phases, I have finally landed on one cathartic thought.
Grief is just grief.
You just have to digest it. Hug yourself and cry to sleep. Make this grief pass through every atom of your mind and body.
No amount of achievement or pleasure will make you forget it.
Grief is not the petrol to run your ambition engine.
Grief has no utilitarian value as such.
Weep. Just weep.
Weep till the tears wet your entire face. And weep some more.
Grieve with dignity. You don’t even have to put it in words. Accept the grief that comes your way without ifs and buts. It’s something that everyone has felt.
Just feel it. It need not be shunned away. Sit with it and cry as much as you can.
There are no further steps.
Give yourself a hug if there is no one to hug and cry. It’s not a group project.
And then separate your joys, goals, love, achievements and fears from grief. Deal with them on a separate stage. The stage built for grief need not be shared with any other aspect of life. All of them feel intertwined.
Of course they are. But give each of them a separate stage. Grief, like any other human emotion requires special attention. Don’t ignore it or push it under the carpet.
P.S. There is no need to agree with me on anything. If you feel all of this is bullshit, then go back to your own way of processing grief. Because the anatomy of each individual’s grief is neither uniform nor comparable. There are no manuals to deal with grief.