Narcissists, Triangulation and Flying Monkeys
A summary of my learnings about the SOP of narcissists
While I have figured out the main traits of narcissists, I did not understand how they operate. Some research and reflection on personal experiences with my mother have brought a lot of clarity on the standard operating procedure (SOP) of narcissists. ‘Triangulation’ and ‘Flying Monkeys’ are important terms to understand in this context.
Triangulation
I asked the AI chatbot Grok about the definition of Triangulation. It describes triangulation in the context of narcissists as follows:
Triangulation is a manipulative technique often used by individuals with narcissistic traits. It involves bringing a third person or object into a dynamic to control the situation and make others feel inferior. This can take the form of using friends or family members against you in a relationship or even comparing you to an inanimate object.
One example of triangulation is when a narcissistic person will devote all their time and attention to a hobby or collection, ignoring you in the process. This subtle form of devaluation shows that they can spend their time and attention elsewhere, making you feel unimportant.
In the context of a relationship, triangulation can also involve using friends or family members to paint you in a negative light, attempting to isolate you and make you feel like the odd one out. It's essential to recognize these tactics and understand that this behavior is not healthy.
In conclusion, triangulation in the context of narcissists is a way for them to maintain control and manipulate others. Being aware of these tactics and understanding how they work can help you navigate these situations and protect yourself from emotional abuse.
I can relate to this. Whenever my mom wanted to paint me or my brother in bad light, she would involve my aunt and grandmother.
The other members who constantly support bad behaviour and victimhood of the narcissist are called Flying Monkeys.
Flying Monkeys
The term ‘Flying Monkeys’ is also interesting. Grok taught me more about this.
Flying monkeys in the context of narcissists refer to people who are manipulated or influenced by a narcissist to carry out their bidding. The term comes from the flying monkeys in the Wizard of Oz, who were under the control of the Wicked Witch.
In the case of narcissistic abuse, flying monkeys are often friends or family members of the narcissist who may not be aware of the narcissist's true nature. They may be used to gather information about the victim, spread rumors or lies, or even harass the victim on the narcissist's behalf.
It's important to recognize the signs of flying monkeys and to protect yourself from their influence.
Though Flying Monkeys might feel that they are part of a righteous mission in supporting the narcissist, they aren’t safe from the narcissist’s wrath. Flying Monkeys often feel obligated to help the narcissist because they would have received some help/kind gestures from the narcissist in the past.
Some day or other, they will be replaced when they question the narcissist’s behaviour. If the narcissist feels that the flying monkey’s interests are contradictory to theirs, they will triangulate using other pawns to fulfil their goals.
Any human relationship with narcissists is going to be damaging, and the role of Flying Monkeys and triangulation lies at the heart of the abusive process orchestrated by the narcissist.