Jim / Pam
No, they are not the ideal couple we should celebrate
Note: This post contains spoilers. It won’t make sense if you have not watched ‘The Office’.
Pam Cheated. Jim is an Asshole. Period
Sometimes, I used to get into the argument that Jim-Pam relationship was built on cheating. But I could not articulate how exactly for quite some time. In addition I didn’t even know this was considered some sort of ideal relationship in the internet-verse.
This had been a peripheral thought, but I feel I should really vent about this.
On screen romantic stories are not restricted to vague fantasies. Sometimes they play out in the real world. It’s also true that this piece of art is probably reflecting behaviour of people in the real world as well.
Let’s be clear. Jim clearly knew Pam was about to get married when he was about to kiss her. And Pam knew she was in a relationship when she was responding to the kiss. What else do you need to know? I am not sure if I am being a nitpicker here.
So I did a brief Reddit search on this topic not to find an opinion similar to mine but a contrarian one. Though I have learnt how to trust my own gut feeling, I want to know an alternative opinion as well. So, here’s what I found.
Redditor’s take
Ok I'mma take the time to write out my opinion at length since it's almost diametrically opposed to yours. But of course I respect your perspective. Maybe we can discuss a bit :)
Firstly, I would not consider her interactions with Brian in season 9 close to cheating and thus would reject your description of her as a 'natural cheater'. I also wouldn't say she's 'emotionally cheating' on Jim - not the biggest fan of the term, but I looked into it a bit, read an article and it really doesn't seem like that's what Pam was doing - she shut down any explicitly romantic advances that Jim made (based on: www.brides.com/emotional-affair-and-a-physical-affair-1102788).
Emotional cheating as explained in this article is mainly to do with contact mediated by technology (thus it not being physical cheating), which is not applicable here.
You have a point of course that Pam handled her relationship with Roy & parallel connection to Jim quite poorly. In my eyes, that makes her flawed, but not a bad person. I would consider Pam in the first two seasons to be extremely repressed, stuck, and insecure.
She doesn't believe she's worthy of what she really wants. Honestly, I feel for her. She's stuck and unhappy - you can see it in her face, her clothes, her choices and her job. (She says 'I don't think it's many little girls' dream to be a receptionist'. She's clearly stuck in her job too.)
I don't know exactly where this mentality came from, but it's clear that it's there. It's not a coincidence that she has a sort of glow-up from season 3 onwards. Her becoming more self-assertive and honest isn't a coincidence either.
Because I empathise with her and her unhappiness, I forgive her for not breaking up with Roy earlier or communicating better with him. She just doesn't know how to, and I honestly believe she doesn't consciously know how she feels about Jim.
Add that to the fact that Jim and Pam so clearly make each other happy, and that Roy is not a good partner by any stretch, he's borderline abusive (he's insensitive to her needs, immediately dissuades her from pursuing her dreams upon hearing about them, doesn't want to be bothered with her thoughts and feelings, grabs her etc.) - and Jim and Pam have my sympathy, even though they definitely don't behave ideally (Jim with Kathy is another example).
I also get frustrated at how repressed Pam is in season 2, she does end up hurting both men because of it, but it's also so beautifully human - we fuck up, we don't know what we want, we make mistakes.
Also, it was one kiss. They kiss, Pam gives in to her feelings for like 10 seconds, and then she stops Jim from another kiss because she plans to marry Roy. Then, without any further contact with Jim, she decides to call off the wedding and break up with Roy. So it's not like she and Jim had an ongoing affair or anything. It was one kiss, he kisses her, she gives in for a moment, then withdraws.
Finally, because you called Pam a negative character and compared her to Todd, I'd like to dispute that too. Yes, Pam definitely displays poor judgment in season 2. At the same time, throughout the course of the show, I'd argue Pam is the heart of the office.
She does a lot of the (under-appreciated) emotional work, she is there for people. She's sensitive and creative and obviously deeply loves Jim and her family, and comes to love her coworkers as well. Pam also embodies the show's message, in a way. It's no coincidence that she gets the last words in the finale: There's a lot of beauty in ordinary things. Isn't that kind of the point?
Can you tell Pam is my favourite character? The Take has a good video on her too: www.youtube.com/watch?v=j3p0JMTYZT8
PS: On the note of the fans celebrating Jim and Pam's relationship: I believe it was Greg Daniels, the show runner, who said that with their relationship the writers wanted to mix a realistic, grounded love story with a fairytale romance. Make it like half and half.
Everything I've said so far about Pam's and Jim's flaws is obviously the realistic part - I think the idealistic fairytale aspect, which captures so many people's hearts, is the incredible connection Jim and Pam have. We can thank John and Jenna for the amazing chemistry they had with each other and the way they interpreted their roles.
I think that's why it's aspirational to many people. That's why people say they're looking for their Pam/Jim - because how incredibly close those two seem, and how absolutely smitten they are with each other. How does Pam put it: As a kid, you assume your parents are soulmates. My kids are gonna be right about that.
Credits: u/TheTreeOfLyfe
My Thoughts on the Jim/Pam Story
After reading this, which seems to be the most elaborate explanation defending Jim-Pam thing I am even more enraged. When a woman does this to a man, it is “beautifully human”.
But when a man does the same, it is termed as cheating and inhuman. Amazing. People who support this are classic hypocrites with a different set of standards for themselves and others.
Everything that they do is “human” while what others do is “brutal”.
To be honest, I agree that Roy was not a great guy. He was from lower middle class who lacked opportunities that Jim had. And Pam did pick him for a marriage. She locked him in and entangled him emotionally.
When he comes to take revenge on Jim, he is portrayed as a violent man and somehow Dwight becomes a hero for saving Jim and punishing Roy. While I admit it was not a dignified response, is Roy not human?
Could you blame him for what he did? It would be unfair to expect him to turn into a Buddhist man after this fiasco. He had probably invested himself in Pam emotionally and financially before this happened.
So, what this person is saying is that Pam did a teeny tiny 10 second mistake. But the stage was set for this long back. It was being consistently built up by the “emotional cheating” which the Redditor claims did not exist.
I think emotional cheating sets the stage for further violations in any relationship. So, that is the moment to walk away. Men don’t get this. They are far too involved in work or they have put the woman on a pedestal.
Now that I have actually processed how I feel about this “romantic” story, I think this is my litmus test for a decent person. I think I would really suspect the character of a person based on this issue.
Those who are Jim-Pam fanboys/fangirls in spite of knowing the facts are massive closet cheaters themselves. They will condone such behaviour and use people the same way Pam used Roy.
Additional Notes
Some of my readers sent in comments which I shall reproduce them (paraphrased version).
Message: A key dimension that must be assessed while judging Pam, is her sabotaging Jim and Karen's relationship. You give Jim hints. You reject him. He starts seeing Karen. You break up with Roy. You hate seeing Karen and Jim together. You sabotage their relationship. You end up with Jim.
My view: This is a male centric view. However, Jim is equally responsible for not making it work with Karen. So, again, I feel there was an active dynamic between the two which left two other people broken. So fuck them.
Message: Thing is these are people who were very popular in high school and then life didn't go as planned. So they are in a place where they feel superior to everyone and hence they feel connected. The shitty behavior etc is just part of the behavior of people in that kind of clique. Also I think most people are totally okay with the concept of cheating your way out of an unfulfilled relationship if it's with the love of your life.
Saw this happen in my batch. This couple who crushed on each other but guy didn't want to commit. Girl was engaged to someone else. Then came to the US to meet him and ask once and for all do you want me. He finally said yes. She canceled wedding the day before. And now they have two kids. Not good to endorse it because it leaves a good chunk of hurt people on the way.
My view: Even if the love secured through deceit endures and results in something fruitful it is quite disgraceful. It can be a happy ending but it can’t be a role model for others. And very often Karma catches up as same patterns repeat with someone else.