Coping Mechanism
(No spoilers) | Some thoughts about the TV show 'The Bear'
This note does not have any spoilers about the TV show
Self Reflection
I was walking in front of the India Gate with someone important and I told them that I am among the top 1% of individuals in the world in terms of intelligence.
Nobody knows how much of it was a true desire and what percentage of it was just a coping mechanism. More often than not, the goals we set for ourselves are a compensation for something deeper; a wound that has no cure or a solution.
As I finished the last episode of The Bear this morning, it kinda hit me that this phenomenon of people just coping seems to be a normal response to grief and tragedy. I use this opportunity to document my thoughts about the TV show.
The Bear
The Bear is TV show focused on the genius cook Carmen Berzatto (or Carmy), played by Jeremy Allen White. His neuroticism and unpredictable behaviour impacts everyone in his restaurant and personal life. He claims that he is afraid of calm and finds self-sabotage and chaos more attractive.
This shocks me to the core because I had failed to understand a milder version of this malaise in myself. I somehow find it relatable and have been working on it with my therapist for almost two years now. Thankfully, the I am in a far better state right now.
Getting back to the show, there are so many aspects of it that I love. I want to list a few here.
The intense camera work and background score that truly captures the intensity of a kitchen in any restaurant. We tend to take things for granted when we go to a good restaurant and have a good meal. The show demonstrates how hard it is to achieve that experience.
Amazing character development of all figures in the show in spite of the focus on Carmy. Carmy holds the centre but the remaining characters are not pushed to the background. Everyone has a backstory, a struggle and a growth path along with Carmy.
I love the portrayal of grief, sorrow and regret. Everyone feels things so vividly and intensely. It is more easier to put it under the heading of “great acting”. But it is not just that. The intensity is drawn from the environment, the story and the character arc where everyone gets to feel things and the viewer feels the intensity of these emotions.
Portrayal of a broken and dysfunctional family that still holds space for love has not been portrayed effectively in many of the TV shows or movies that I have watched. It either goes to extremes or has no nuance. Sometimes everything is portrayed as hunky dory on screen. But the show somehow portrays reality to a large extent.
The impact of parenting and home environment on adults is barely talked about in the modern world. We don’t pay much attention to this aspect of our own nature. Understanding our childhood can open up so many doors. The TV show may or may not nudge you to do down that path.
There might be many more points hovering inside my head on this topic. But I will stop here and allow you to explore the TV show on your own.
Coping Mechanism and Grief
Sometimes there is no solution to grief. You can’t undo the clock. Though the rational response to such grief is acceptance, human beings can’t respond to it like a machine. They act it out and some self-destruct in the process. Nothing can heal the heart in a meaningful manner.
If one observes the characters in the show, one can see that smoking is a really viable coping mechanism for these individuals. They have no other response to an unexpected event or a feeling that can’t be managed. It is a visceral response. How can the human body process those emotions without smoking?
In other cases, achievement or a job or a mission can become a coping mechanism. One can ask whether Carmy truly wanted to be a world class chef or he was just distracting himself from his grief and acting out his childhood issues.
One might find answers to such questions in Season 4 of The Bear. Even if you don’t have such questions or the desire to find answers to that, you should watch the TV show if you have some time. It is a work of art and a good portrayal of the human condition.