Breaking Bad
I get it. Me being a man is probably a crime in itself in the eyes of a progressive feminist. Men have been unfair or even criminal towards the other gender in several instances of history.
But my whole idea of romantic heterosexual love came crashing down on earth after I watched the TV Show Breaking Bad.
A man with lung cancer tries to leave a fortune for his family by turning into a drug manufacturer. And his wife cheats on him with her boss, possibly trying to secure her future even before her hubby dies.
The poor fellow continues to take risks to leave a fortune for his family and prevent financial burden on his wife even after knowing about his wife’s infidelity. It is a soul crushing story that’s not very far from reality.
A Bad Rap Sheet
Everything nice I’ve done in my dating life was probably just the “bare minimum”. I don’t remember experiencing an iota of fairness, kindness or gratefulness from the opposite gender. Even if there was something nice done by the other person I feel it was just a strategic move to get something more in return.
If you open Hinge and see the answers to prompts these days, you find some common themes which women seem to want from a partner
Travel the world
Watch Northern Lights
Want honesty and clarity
Explore cafes, restaurants and museums
Go on a long drive
Getaway to the mountains or beaches
People watching
Apart from the third option nothing really leads to a reasonably healthy relationship. What happened to building a family, supporting each other’s dreams and being there for each other during hard times.
Of course, those things are premature at the early dating stage. But honestly, there seems to be a lack of imagination or originality among women.
Come on! Can’t you think beyond a man’s height or your world tour plans?
The Reign of Fluff
On the other hand a man has to be earning, look good, have a dog or cat, be funny, caring, cook, drive and do so many other things. Nothing short of perfection.
Of course it’s probably a supply vs demand issue. But if the supply side is full of fluff and superficial things, I guess the entire market is doomed.
Though I don’t want to reduce the idea of love to an analytical excel sheet, I did list out all of my romantic pursuits. Almost seventeen of them. The pattern seemed so obvious.
In none of those potential relationships was I poised to get something to meet my own emotional needs, let alone physical intimacy or commitment.
That’s the story even after I allowed myself to compromise on essential needs and showed affection with no expectations of reciprocation. This made me realise the absurdity of grieving over any of those failed relationships.
Let us pause and admit that I might be terrible at selecting a good candidate for dating. Probably I’m defined by childhood wounds that pushes me into the same pattern. It’s true to some extent, but I am happy to report that I’m actively addressing my own bad habits.
As far as I am concerned, I feel that my energy, creativity and potential are better invested in my career or interests. I have absolutely lost interest in the idea of wooing a woman and building a happy family in this environment.
Happy to be Surprised
One of my role models Steve Jobs once said — “People don’t know what they want until you show it to them”. Maybe I am one of those people. Maybe our entire generation is full of such people.
Hopefully, I will look at this post and laugh someday while lying on the lap of my beloved.
Some day.
But I believe someone is there for you who will treat you the way you deserve and maybe more, so it's important to keep your mind and heart open.