Joining Nimatnama, the food-focused book club hosted by The Bookshop, Jorbagh has served this purpose quite well. If you’re in Delhi, you should give it a shot.

On Being a Foodie

If someone asked me whether I am a foodie few weeks back, I would have fumbled. Because I didn’t know what it meant to be a “foodie”.

Who doesn’t like good food?

Anyway, to clarify my own doubts, I looked up the meaning of the word.

A foodie is someone who has a passion for exploring, enjoying, and learning about different kinds of food and dining experiences.

ChatGPT

As far as I am concerned, I like exploring and enjoying food and dining experiences. But I am not so keen about learning about it. I just eat and move on.

Cooking is also considered to be a part of the ‘foodie’ umbrella, but even that is not my forte/interest.

I have tried quite a few varieties/cuisines.

South Indian food is a staple for me. So, you will have to like Carnatic Cafe or pretend to like it if you’re a part of my universe.

Beyond this I do love North Indian and Italian food. I have tried Korean, Vietnamese, Japanese and Bengali food. I’ve enjoyed certain dishes from these cuisines, though I am yet to explore them deeply.

That said, I can’t tolerate bad food. I would prefer to eat veggies and fruits instead of bad or sub-standard food. And I am very particular about the taste of Puliogare that enters my system.

In spite of this long-winding chain of thought, I can say I am a foodie, though I don’t “live” to eat food.

Sally Abé Journey

You can’t be what you can’t see.

~ Sally Abé

It is surprising that the best chefs we know are our mothers. But in the professional kitchens of top restaurants, women are under-represented.

This doesn’t make much sense.

But if you read Sally Abé’s book, “A Woman’s Place is in the Kitchen”, you’ll realise why.

The title of the book is kinda off-putting. If read without context it might sound sexist. But in reality it is actually highlighting lack of female representation in professional kitchens. You might call it a click-bait if you want to.

The book reveals why high-pressure environments like professional kitchens where food is seen as a “product” and not an “offering of love” are unfriendly to women.

Long hours, sexist behaviour of men, name-calling, low tolerance for error and lack of mentorship discourage women from rising in the hospitality industry.

In addition, the lack of female rockstar chefs in the industry makes it difficult for other women to believe and aspire to be rockstar chefs of the future.

Sally does credit several men who have supported her career. But she also highlights the amount of hardwork and other challenges that she had to face along the way.

Even after she rises to the position of a head chef, she notes the challenges that she faced as a female professional.

In spite of the general commentary on the food/hospitality industry, Sally presents an autobiographical narrative of how she got to the position she eventually did.

It’s a deeply human, humorous and empathetic narrative throughout the book. Her writing style keeps the audience hooked till the end.

Other Takeaways

Though I don’t want to make this sound like a corporate training session, I did have a few takeaways from the book.

The evolution of Sally’s leadership style and her disagreement with the general toxicity deemed normal in professional kitchens paves the way for a better future for people working to serve us in restaurants. It is important to be mindful of the quality of life of people working inside restaurants.

“If a restaurant cannot produce intricate, haute cuisine without abusing or exploiting its staff, it raises the question: should it exist at all?”

~ Sally Abé

I also love the way Sally found her passion and interests along the way through exploration and curiosity. This is in stark contrast with other macho narratives of chefs who believe that they knew they’d be a chef since tenth grade (which is kinda possible, though rare).

It’s just that I prefer the “discovery path” to the “grandiose destined path” in life.

Yay or Nay?

After all this rant, you might sense that I see this book in positive light. You’re right.

In my opinion, the book as highly readable, insightful and enjoyable even if you’re not a foodie. It is worth your time and money if you wish to expand your horizons.

“Your worst sin is that you have destroyed and betrayed yourself for nothing.”

Porfiry Petrovich to Rodion Raskolnikov in Crime and Punishment.

I don’t intend to write a review or analysis of Crime and Punishment. I shall merely write about how these characters connected with me and what I learnt about human nature from this work.

To be honest, I was so moved by his other great work, The Brothers Karamazov. It made me weep and ponder about people I had met in the past. But I had no words to write about The Brothers Karamazov because it was truly overwhelming.

The only difference between The Brothers Karamazov and Crime and Punishment is that I didn’t cry at the end of the book. Somehow, Dostoevsky decided to end Crime and Punishment on a positive note, if not a happy one.

The Great Man Theory - Roskolnikov’s Heroism

The main character, Roskolnikov, thinks he is bound to do great things in life and compares himself with Napoleon and acquires a fake sense of heroism. He believes that great men should be allowed to commit some crimes (as defined by society) and the general rules don’t apply to them.

Under this guise he commits two murders. Not suprisingly he is an atheist and is kinda impoverished. This is a potent mix.

Dostoevsky props up this argument and breaks it down only in the final pages of the book and his chosen character to do the job is Sofya Semyonova. She instills humanity into the mind of Roskolnikov and transforms his heart.

The message that is driven home is that humanity can’t be trampled over in the process of creating a great man. It has to be the very basic component of any person living in civilised society.

The superiority complex that comes with the perception of being a “great” man also diminishes the humanity of people that a self-declared “great” person meets in his/her life. Roskolnikov takes this dehumanisation to the extreme level by murdering two people as they were in the path to his greatness.

This made me acutely aware of possible instances where even I might have trampled over emotions or dignity of people at times, because of my perception that I’m somehow better. Dostoevsky subtly reminded me that it’s important to put humanity first no matter what attributes that a person has (or does not have).

Accountability and Transformation - Svidrigailov’s Hedonism

Crime and Punishment does have many interesting characters. But the one who stands out is Svidrigailov. He lives a hedonistic life purely driven by desire and his whims. He subscribes to no moral code. Instead he manipulates people to get his way.

Sometimes, you can encounter such people in real life and feel angry that you can’t lead a life of that kind yourself (if you are person who doesn’t have such traits). But Dostoevsky argues that this kind of life is not sustainable. The person would crumble and collapse eventually under the weight of his/her deeds and immorality.

It’s a subtle way of saying Karma gets its way, but we may not be there to see that happen. One has to be accountable for all actions that he/she performs, no matter what the circumstances are. And that is another key pillar that makes Crime and Punishment a great work.

The Healing Power of Love - Sonya’s Leap of Faith

I have written so many posts about love. This blog has witnessed me evaluating and tussling with the idea of love in cinema, books and elsewhere. But no story or analysis comes close to the portrayal of the healing power of love demonstrated by Sofya and Roskolnikov.

In a way the ending generates hope in the reader and makes you believe that Roskolnikov and Sofya can lead a happy and decent life together.

I might have objected to the idea of being in love with a criminal, that too a remorseless one. But the circumstances of this story made that thought take a backseat. What really transforms Roskolnikov is the assurance and presence of Sonya even as he goes through his worst moral, emotional and psychological turmoil.

I don’t think that any piece of art has ever demonstrated the healing power of love more effectively. It’s not a sudden and drastic change, but a gradual, persuasive interaction that is tempered with affection and patience.

It’s quite possible that Sofya could have failed in her mission. But her faith in god and the goodness in Roskolnikov made the outcome possible. Even then, I would say it was a gigantic leap of faith to trust Roskolnikov could be healed by love.

Final Thoughts

Reading Crime and Punishment was truly a spiritual experience that somehow shaved the rough edges of my worldview which is driven by personal achievement and utilitarian philosophy at the outset.

It awakened the more tender human side which was hitherto dormant. But I’m not sure how that would translate in the real world.

I’ll have to wait and watch.

“Existence is this, I thought, a start of joy, a stab of pain, an intense pleasure, veins that pulse under the skin, there is no other truth to tell”

~ Elena Ferrante, The Days of Abandonment

I am not sure if the book The Days of Abandonment should be seen as the story of a single mother, a betrayed wife or a betrayed lover. I can say, I do have access to feelings of a betrayed lover and have seen the life of a single mother.

Elena Ferrante, the author poignantly depicts the emotions and the story and feelings of a person who falls into all three buckets. Ferrante’s work though short in comparison to other novels I’ve read packs in some intense writing and takes the reader on a journey where he/she anticipates the next event quite eagerly.

The Brief Plot

A spoiler free plot of the novel would probably say that the story is that of a woman who suddenly has to take responsibility for the entire household, a dog and two children when her husband leaves for a younger woman.

Olga finds that she is either incompetent or incapable of managing chores and responsibilities that her husband, Mario, took care of when they were together. The emotional trauma forces her to make mistakes and struggle further in this process.

She is unable to quickly let go of her husband as she recalls that similar incidents had occurred with the same “other-woman” in the past as well. But it takes quite a while to digest that the split is permanent.

Eventually she finds a way out of the emotional trauma while enduring a sense of shame, anger and betrayal in spite of the new stability she has found for herself.

I want to write about how the two out of the three character personas layered into Olga impacted me as a reader. A quick recap on the three layers I wrote in the introduction of this post.

• a betrayed lover

• a single mother

• a betrayed wife

Comparison With a New Lover

Olga didn’t see her husband as a person filling a societal role alone. She had fallen in love with him and her love intensifies when she knows that he has left her for a younger woman.

Firstly, when your partner leaves for another person there is always a sense of comparison and competition.

It comes as a shock to you but they have already negotiated all emotions and built a bridge to their future. You’re the one who is clueless about the way forward when the news breaks out.

How is this new person in comparison to me?

How could I have been better?

These kind of questions kill you from within. One might advise a person in this scenario to avoid comparison and fact-finding missions. But it is unavoidable. The process could hurt you first but eventually, the things that you learn in the process help you make peace with the tragedy.

Travails of a Single Mother

Single mothers who end up with the kids for whatever reason have a double burden. They need to take care of all the shared responsibilities while holding together their own emotional universe.

This is a tall ask for someone who has not had exposure to the world outside their role as mothers.

The reader can empathise with the way Olga deals with her anger and pain in spite of the secretive and wholly irresponsible manner of separation on part of the husband. Even the children are forced take sides in a conflict that was noway related to them.

The question of loyalty to the primary caretaker becomes an issue as the story progresses and the idea of shared parenting also becomes tainted by the cheating on part of the father. Of course, the book doesn’t offer any commentary but depicts the conundrum effectively.

Worth Reading?

I would not recommend this book for anyone going through some sort of emotional trauma.

But it is a great insight into human nature, especially that of a mother who has been betrayed. The impact of the havoc which is often not visible to the public eye is portrayed with finesse. Totally worth it if you are a curious reader.

Summary of the book

The book speaks about the loss of senses and the self of two unnamed individuals — a separated woman who has lost her mother and a Greek tutor who is slowly losing his sight because of a congenital disease. The separated woman has suddenly lost her ability to speak. She hopes to regain it by learning Greek.

The author explores some of the other relationships of the Greek tutor and to some extent that of the woman as well. Though one might think it’s a part of the narrative, it becomes clear that the sidebars are there to demonstrate the loss of self along with the loss of sense.

Eventually, the Greek tutor and the lady are left with no other anchor in their lives except for each other. The Greek tutor doesn’t have anyone to support him. And the lady has no one to provide her emotional support.

They are unable to speak to each other and in the final pages they share an intimate moment with each other. There is no definite conclusion to the story as there is no definite plot.

Reflections

As a reader with all senses intact, I could deeply relate to both characters. The reason is that I felt I was either blind or mute, or rather behaved like someone blind or mute during certain moments of my life, which left a mark on me.

How could I not see it? Was it because I was in love? I don’t want to keep going back to this story. It makes me feel that I am deliberately keeping this memory because there are no better memories to replay. In fact, I have had many memories in life, but yet I keep going back to these. One truly becomes blind in love.

And then there are moments when you become mute. You have no words left to say because it is too overwhelming. I had never encountered such a moment. But when I truly did, it came with a huge tsunami of pain.

I remember the session with my therapist where I could not even speak about it, but just cried while attempting to articulate the feeling. Now, I am not sure if I should be oversharing. But share it I must, because this is not a singular event. Many people on earth would have felt it.

And if you felt it too, then I offer you my warm hug. You’re not alone.

Importance of Senses and Human Connection

I have not really appreciated the fact that I do have all my senses are intact. We value important things that are taken for granted only when we lose it. I felt this when I was unable to speak for three days due to a throat infection. This was a an experience that made me feel disenfranchised.

I felt so out disconnected from others that I had to use texts and signs to communicate with others at work. If this feeling were to be imposed on me, it would have debilitated me forever.

Similarly, the loss of an important human connection can cripple the mind and soul. You never know when and how you will lose people who mean a lot to you. That is the reason why we should celebrate every moment as much as possible. And maybe, stay connected via the plethora of tools given to us by technological progress of humanity.

Both these themes are subtly captured in the book. One may or may not see it blatantly while reading. But the thought does cross your mind when you reflect on the book at a later stage.

Power of a Story

Therein lies the power of a story. It can make you feel seen and heard. It articulates feelings that you were unable to put in words and thereby open up a path to healing. Of course, stories don’t have to be sad all the time. Across the ages, stories have inspired people to take action.

Greek Lessons is a story that can make you feel empathetic towards yourself if not others. And only when you walk through this path can you make way for a better story. A story that can be written or conceived for a better day if you were going through a bad one.

As my guest Nikita mentioned, Greek Lessons is an invitation to an experience. Even if you don’t understand it completely be open to it. You never know when this story could come to your aid.

If you are not convinced, do listen to the podcast. Links of all three platforms are strewn across this post. I hope you pick the book and savour it.

“No matter where you go or how many books you read, you still know nothing, you haven't seen anything. And that's life. We live our lives trying to find our way."

~ Satoshi Yagisawa, Days at the Morisaki Bookshop

Some Life Updates

Between the last post and this, several things have transpired.

• India won the Champions Trophy.

• My therapist said that I have been terminated (which means I don’t need therapy anymore).

• 65 days have passed since I quit cigarettes completely.

• I completed a Half Marathon (technically I kinda walked for last 6 km).

• After seeing the oil in Carnatic Cafe Dosas, I have decided not eat them anymore.

• I wished my mother on her birthday for the first time and gifted her a fitness watch.

As you can see, many life changing events have taken place since my last post. Life has been busy. I managed to finish a 150-page novella yesterday. It kinda triggered a lot of thoughts in my head and helped me understand a feminine trope that had kinda confused me completely.

Much Needed Break

I had been trying to read ‘Crime and Punishment’ by Fyodor Dostoevsky. I made significant progress, but the text was getting kinda intense.

I needed a feel good book to break the downward spiral. So, I picked the popular slice-of-life genre book ‘Days at the Morisaki Bookshop’.

I kinda wrote a structured review on Reddit last night. But, when I slept over it could see a few patterns that struck me.

Spoiler-Free Summary (and Patterns)

The first part of the book is about the Takako, a twenty-something working professional in Japan who is dealing with a difficult heartbreak. She decides to quit her job as she had to encounter her lover-colleague everyday. This is a sort of warning to people not to date at workplace.

Takako is contacted by her uncle (Satoru) to move into a spare room in his second-hand bookshop to save on rent and lend a helping hand till she finds something else. Her uncle himself is reeling under a different kind of betrayal. His wife (Momoko) has left him abruptly almost five years ago.

In addition to this, Wada, a young customer of the Morisaki bookshop is repeatedly visiting a coffee shop frequented by Takako. While Takako thinks he’s there for her, she is kinda surprised when she gets to know that he too is going through a heartbreak.

The story contains another heartbreak, but I shall refrain from mentioning more about it in this summary. Overall, the overarching theme of the book is “heartbreak and betrayal”. Amidst all this chaos, books help many of these characters to find an anchor.

This theme is hard to notice at first, but when you do recognise the pattern, it is kinda mind-blowing. The theme is also close to my heart because I’ve dealt with similar challenges by just reading great books and finding solace in literature.

Satoru — The Boundary-less Giver

Satoru is portrayed as a cheerful man who is kind to everyone else. But as the story unravels, one can understand that he is not kind to himself. He has no boundaries at all and accepts all sorts of bullshit from others. (Revealing this part would be a spoiler).

I would really love to discuss more on this. Do mail me/drop a comment if you have read the book and want to discuss my take on the character. I feel enraged about the way emotional abuse of Satoru has been brushed under the rug in this book. This happens to be a major complaint, but I would still recommend the book.

Conclusion

As I mentioned in my Reddit “formal” review, the book has all elements of a Bollywood film.

The book has elements of heartbreak, betrayal, healing, suspense, new beginnings and reunion. It deserves to be a potent Bollywood script. I am also amazed by the ability of fiction to explain the behaviour of people in real life. It makes me wonder whether the author had interviewed someone in real life or conjured the characters from his imagination.

My Review on Reddit

Though Goodreads may not give a 4+ rating, I feel that the work is eminently readable. But rather than gushing over the ending, I would request the reader to critically analyse the behaviour of each character.

Would you be happy with this character if you were at the receiving end of their behaviour? Just stop and ask yourself this question.

Even otherwise, the book is well-written and you’ll be able to enjoy the story’s twists and turns. I hope you pick this book and glide through its contents.

Note on “slice-of-life” books (Source: Grok)

A slice-of-life book is a type of literature that focuses on the everyday experiences, routines, and emotions of ordinary people.

It typically lacks a grand, overarching plot or dramatic events, instead emphasizing realistic portrayals of daily life, relationships, and personal moments.

The term "slice of life" comes from the idea that the story offers a small, representative glimpse—or "slice"—of a character’s existence, often highlighting mundane yet relatable details.

These books tend to prioritize character development and atmosphere over action-packed narratives. They might explore themes like family dynamics, friendship, personal growth, or the quiet beauty of the ordinary.

The appeal of slice-of-life books lies in their ability to resonate with readers through familiar, authentic moments—think a conversation over coffee, a walk through a neighborhood, or the small joys and struggles of daily living.

We matter greatly and not at all. To reach some pinnacle of human achievement only to discover that your achievements are next to nothing and that to understand this is the greatest achievement of any life, which itself is nothing, and also much more than everything.

Samantha Harvey in Orbital

Initial Thoughts

I can’t remember the last time I read a science fiction book based on space exploration that made me feel insignificant and small. It made me feel that my life is just a femtosecond event in the history of the universe. In terms of the size of the universe, I feel I am not even a dust particle.

Response on Goodreads

In this section, you might feel that I am crowdsourcing reviews. But that’s not the point. I’m trying to understand why some people might feel put-off by this book.

In spite of being a Booker Prize winning work, Orbital has just 3.64 rating on Goodreads. The distribution of ratings show that 41% of the people who read the book thought it was average or below average. I happen to be in the majority category that gave the book 4-star rating.

I was kinda curious as to what the 1 star raters were saying. Some of it made sense.

A wholly unremarkable and boring space voyage. 90% repetitive imagery, 5% character development that fails to engage the reader in any meaningful way, and 5% philosophical analysis that is so rushed and shallow that it feels improvised. A real snooze fest.

Anonymous reader

I kinda wholly agree with this review though

This is not a novel, it’s a manifesto proclaiming love for the Earth, and parts of it are beautiful, but there’s only so many times I can read how empty Pacific at nighttime looks from space before I go crazy.

Huge swaths of the book read like a student scrambling to reach minimum word count in an essay, but there’s barely any plot to speak of, and when it appears it’s so lost between the never-ending descriptions of all the colours and shapes that Earth has that it makes barely any impact.

I am aware that I’m probably not a target for a book that’s a 200 page long poem, but I can safely say that Pale Blue Dot as Carl Sagan wrote it does the same in way less words and thus it’s way more impactful than this novel.

Marta

One more good critique

This book is an uncompelling pastiche of Carl Sagan's Cosmos, down to an exact copy of the Cosmic Calendar.

The book is not scientific enough to adequately educate on science, it's not speculative enough to be compelling science fiction, it doesn't have enough character development to be a compelling slice of life novel, and it doesn't have a narrative to be adequately described as a literary novel.

Instead, it falls squarely in the same category as the shower thoughts of that one stoner everyone knew in high school who could say "woah, space is so cool man." Utterly disappointing, and without even reading the other nominees for the Booker award, this should not have won.

Ian

The Booker Committee

If this is the low opinion of some of the readers, why did the Booker Committee give the award to this book? The question popped up in my head. So, I checked their site. And I found this.

‘In an unforgettable year for fiction, a book about a wounded world. Sometimes you encounter a book and cannot work out how this miraculous event has happened. As judges we were determined to find a book that moved us, a book that had capaciousness and resonance, that we are compelled to share. We wanted everything.

‘Orbital is our book. Samantha Harvey has written a novel propelled by the beauty of sixteen sunrises and sixteen sunsets. Everyone and no one is the subject, as six astronauts in the International Space Station circle the Earth observing the passages of weather across the fragility of borders and time zones. With her language of lyricism and acuity Harvey makes our world strange and new for us.

‘All year we have celebrated fiction that inhabits ideas rather than declaiming on issues, not finding answers but changing the question of what we wanted to explore. Our unanimity about Orbital recognises its beauty and ambition. It reflects Harvey’s extraordinary intensity of attention to the precious and precarious world we share.’

Edmund de Waal, Chair of judges

One feels that the committee was looking for something abstract and inspiring. Not serious plot or character depth in the story. The book ‘Orbital’ made them feel something. And you can’t judge them for being emotional humans.

My Review

Now that I have explored all views, I don’t think any of my opinions have modified or changed. It is true that the book lacks a plot, a definite ending and it has moments of boredom where one feels that he/she is reading a geography text.

In spite of these drawbacks and its similarity/copy paste of Carl Sagan’s cosmic calendar, the book reminds you that your life is just a fleeting moment in the larger scheme of things. It can be a nihilistic, depressing or inspiring thought depending on how you take this information.

I was kinda inspired, in spite of all drawbacks highlighted by one-star reviewers. I found the writing intense as I could not absorb more than thirty pages in a single sitting.

So, whether you like this book or not does not change its inherent value. It is grasped by certain kind of people. For others it can be boring. If you’re analytical then the book might bore the hell out of you. In any case, give it a try.

I leave the reader with this quote.

How are we writing the future of humanity? We're not writing anything, it's writing us. We're windblown leaves. We think we're the wind, but we're just the leaf.

Samantha Harvey in Orbital

Note: I had a discussion on this book with my friend. You can listen to the same over here:

But people behave differently when they are being photographed or recorded. They become guarded and often don’t say things that they would have in the presence of a different kind of audience.

You might remember the Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle. It says that the position and the velocity of an object cannot both be measured exactly, at the same time. Similarly, the authenticity of a person and their ability to articulate themselves to a particular set of audience can’t coexist without adversely affecting each other.

In spite of this limitation, I badly wanted to act on a thought I have been carrying for quite some time. I finally invited Angana, a friend whom I know for more than 6 months to discuss a book that both of us loved. And it did turn out to be a great conversation.

We did not realise that we had spoken for 56 minutes when we checked the length of the recording. Though the conversation doesn’t have any spoilers of the book, it does carry a summary of the story followed by a discussion about the characters. We also spoke about the impact of the book on us, our emotions and our perception of the human nature.

I hope that the podcast inspires you to read the book. I had published a kind of review about the same book earlier on this blog.

Do check out the episodes on Spotify.

The podcast is also available on Apple Podcasts and Youtube.

‘The spirits that I summoned, I now cannot rid myself of again.’

Goethe, The Sorcerer’s Apprentice

Yuval Noah Harari has been one of the rockstar writers who has developed a solid fanbase among common history enthusiasts, tech entrepreneurs and policymakers. He has become a public intellectual of sorts.

Earlier, we used to hear that science fiction writers were the visionaries who could help humanity imagine what kind of technologies would come up in future. Harari has a similar aura, albeit with one modification.

He is able to look backwards and then predict the future, relying on human stupidity and the pattern of basic tendencies that have shaped humanity.

His main message seems to be “beware of AI” with no concrete actionable to governments, technologists, entrepreneurs or individuals.

But the treatment of the topic from a historical standpoint helps an individual to understand the strands involved in the chaotic conversation about this supposedly pathbreaking technological innovation.

Information Networks

The first half of the book delves into the meaning of information. What constitutes information and how it has been affecting lives across centuries is well-captured by Harari.

Stories from wars and espionage have been deployed to help readers understand the abstract nature of the term ‘information’. It can be interpreted by each individual in their own way. This is the central point driven home by the book.

Naturally, the debate extends to the nature and meaning of truth (which is defined by the kind of information presented to us).

For a first-timer who has not delved into the nature of information and truth, the first half of the book provides a lot of ‘aha’ moments.

Truth and reality are nevertheless different things, because no matter how truthful an account is, it can never represent reality in all its aspects.

Yuval Noah Harari, Nexus

Algorithms, Silicon Curtain and Democracies

It’s true that large scale democracies could not have been managed without a formal bureaucracy and information network required to make the system work.

Harari delves into stories where information played a key role in the rise and fall of dictatorships and democracies in ‘Nexus’.

He places a special emphasis on self-correcting nature of democratic systems, things which have already been learnt in high school political science textbooks.

The great fear that the historian has for humanity is the creation of an algorithm or a digital network that weakens democracy and takes away all the gains achieved in the modern world.

He takes the example of Youtube and Facebook algorithms spreading hateful content and destabilising political systems as a warning signal.

A new term called ‘Silicon Curtain’ has been coined by the author as a parallel to the ‘Iron Curtain’ that had developed during the Cold War.

His assumption is that the AI could develop a barrier between the ‘overlords’ and the common people. The curtain could have implications for the way the world is run and the rights people can enjoy.

One can see that Harari has adopted algorithmic approach to risk assessment of AI systems and information networks. This pattern becomes blatant and jarring as one enters the second half of the book.

Inter-Computer Realities

In his previous works, Harari had spoken about intersubjective realities among humans. This book explores an offshoot of the same concept in a digital context. He claims that hashtags and Google page ranks are examples of ‘inter-computer realities’ created in the digital world.

In his opinion, the agenda could be set by such inter-computer realities and affect choices and rights of humans in real life. Does humanity have a control over inter-computer realities?

So far yes.

But in his opinion, it could slip out of our hands once AI takes over.

But the evolution of inter-computer realities will be defined by the kind of data fed to the training models. It is rooted in the realities of the day, unless the computer-network is given a set of principles and goals during the process of its evolution.

The evolution of AI has been compared to the growth of a human baby. It takes a village to create a personality.

But, the author fails to explain what kind of goals can be set for the AI model. He branches off to topics like deontology and ends up saying that the goal-setting process itself is abstract and subjective.

Nobody knows the right framework to define what is good for the entire world and hence we reach a dead end on this front.

Global Impact and Weaponisation of AI

A key takeaway from the book for me, which also seems quite obvious, is the impending global impact of the AI revolution. It becomes more evident when we draw parallels to the Industrial Revolution which had minimal impact on areas far away from its place of origin during early days.

Sure, ‘AI revolution’ may not be impacting us today, but eventually it will. Understanding the nuances and possible futures that might emerge after this so called ‘revolution’ can help us plan for contingencies.

Some say that the tool will be used to instigate conflicts or result in large-scale wars. There’s an arms race among tech-giants and government to have a AI powerful model. We are not sure of how valid these claims are. But, it seems like it is the sexiest thing in town now. We are not sure how it can be weaponised and used against humans or poorer nations.

But all of this talk needs to be taken with a pinch of salt. The limitations of AI are quite evident both from an accuracy and cost POV.

The technology will not have a large scale adoption unless it can produce drastically better outcomes or generate profits for its users. In that sense, doomsday is not at our doorstep.

I kinda felt the limitation of AI first hand while trying to split a complex bill after an outing with my book club friends. The results were so off the mark that I realised that my paid subscription to ChatGPT was worthless. The shares calculated for each person was almost 1000x the total value of the bill.

What Next?

There is no definitive prediction or outcome for ‘AI Revolution’ at this point of time. It is making waves, but it has still not hit our shores. Or maybe it already has.

I see AI as a tool to eliminate and automate some boring tasks. Human ingenuity may or may not be surpassed by computers in future. But, let’s see where it goes.

Harari’s take on the topic helps us understand how the technology may be used and misused based on historical pattern of behaviours.

But he is not a technology expert and he’s unable to speak authoritatively on the real challenges from an implementation, cost and viability POV.

So, I would say —thank you for the hot take— and move on with my work, see what makes sense in the real world, and take action based on my assessment of the landscape.

She was always in love with someone, and whenever she fell in love, the person became her whole life.

Anton Chekhov, in ‘Darling’

“Even if we love them with our entire being, even if we’re willing to commit the most heinous sin for their well-being. We must understand and respect the values that drive them. We must want what they want, not what we want for them.”

Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni, in ‘The Forest of Enchantments’

I read a short story (Darling by Anton Chekhov) and a novel (The Forest of Enchantments by Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni) this week because of the book club I’m part of. It caused a huge wave of emotions in me. This exercise also prevented me from binge watching Instagram reels or scrolling my Twitter/X feed.

The two stories gave me insight into the complex inner lives of women, showing me that they can sometimes be manipulative, cruel, and devious while appearing as victims outwardly.

I could map these behaviours to people I knew in real life. In these stories, I found that the same person could exhibit both admirable and despicable behaviours.

I am trying to draw a parallel between two entirely different stories, I will write about them individually before touching upon the connection.

Ramayana — Irredeemable?

Firstly, I must credit this book for introducing me to the nuances of each character of Ramayana with greater depth. It made me realise that I had read this story from a children’s book almost twenty years ago.

It exposed the weaknesses of both Rama and Sita quite extensively. Though the prose could have been better in a few places, I feel it does add value to the reader’s experience throughout the book.

One of the members of the book club called Ramayana an irredeemable myth and spat on the author for not being radical enough. This was a revolting thought when I heard it for the first time because I have been idolising Lord Rama right from childhood. He is a role model in some ways.

I partly agreed to this interpretation (i.e. irredeemable story) midway after reading a very disgusting dialogue by Sita. I can also understand that Rama, Dasharatha and Janaka have been portrayed as flawed heroes or losers in some parts of the narrative.

But the book made me realise that Lord Rama as portrayed in the myth is imperfect.

But, I still worship Rama. In real terms my emotional connection with this deity is forged by the good values that he helped propagate in the world.

The net impact of Ram’s legacy is largely positive and one worth embracing. At the same time, it is important to note that his bookish adherence to dharma can be counterproductive and cause harm to loved ones.

A battleground for Feminism?

If one goes by the description of Janaka in this book, one can conclude that he doesn’t even deserve to be a ruler. But somehow this softie portrayal has impressed the female reader as the character is more palatable when compared to a more toxic-masculine alternative.

Janaka’s portrayal appeals to the core audience of the author who consist of women subscribing to different shades of feminism (ranging from give-us-equality to kill-men).

It’s true that Rama and male characters are callous and unreasonable by modern standards. But it doesn’t make sense to apply the standards of today to a period when these myths were composed. The fact that the deity Rama is sacred to millions makes it harder to analyse or criticise in a calm or callous manner.

If the author’s narrative is accurate, Rama did violate Dharma at the time of the bow-test and during the murder of Vali. He is not a textbook truth-teller in that sense. But in front of the public he wants a crystal clear image because he is concerned about his legacy as a perfect ruler.

This made me realise that I have developed similar instincts over the years. I am very concerned about my image. But does that make me less authentic? I don’t believe so.

Anyway, I don’t think that unfair treatment meted out to women in the modern era can be attributed to ‘bad’ lessons learnt from Ramayana. Also, good lessons learnt from Ramayana can’t be sustained if there’s no inherent good in the individual who claims to be inspired by it.

It’s an intense story, real or fictional, that captures human frailties, love and variety of other emotions. Overanalysing it and deifying/villainising the story would be a waste of time.

Olenka’s Shaky Core Self

There are hundreds of opinions about how love changes an individual. Some say that it completely transforms a person. Others say you should protect your individuality. There are no universal rules. Individuals need to find out what works for them.

But surely these two alternatives come with some risks and advantages. A person who completely merges their personality with another like how Olenka does in this story might find it hard to command respect in the equation. It can also lead to devastating sorrow if the relationship built this way collapses.

On the other hand, a person who is too protective of their individuality might never get a chance to deepen a relationship. They might see the other person as dispensable and feel more eager to drop the ball when things get hard. I am not sure if am explaining the emotional ledger of loss and gain accurately in this narrative.

The shape-shifting nature of Olenka, a single competent women as she navigates her relationships is quite reminiscent of behaviours I have seen in real life. Those who adopt this mirroring habit eventually feel that they are not worthy of any love at all.

They accept that every relationship is bound to end and sometimes sabotage it willingly even if the partner was a decent guy. Of course, that doesn’t happen here.

The answer lies somewhere in between. I can say what works for me. I have a strong core personality and set of interests. But it is not so rigid that new things can’t be added around it, provided the new ‘things’ are compatible with my core persona.

I would probably check out songs and shows recommended by a partner but I would not gobble it up blindly. If I don’t like these songs/shows I will not listen/watch them completely. I have reached the optimum point where I have a core self and have enough space for someone to add some new things to it.

Sita and Olenka

Now coming to the grand reveal of my thoughts around the two stories, I see huge parallels between Sita and Olenka. Both adopted the priorities and needs of their partners and ignored the difficult task of building their own persona.

It almost felt that both saw marriage and service to the husband as the core goal of their life. In addition the involvement of gods and rakshasas in Sita’s story makes it more complicated and difficult to distill.

As a result of this life-goal they eventually ended up submitting to the man’s needs all the time while battling a huge void within themselves whenever they were treated unfairly by male figures.

In case of Olenka, the veterinarian puts her down when she tries to participate in a conversation. Rama sends Sita to forest and puts her through Agni Pariksha.

The absence of a core self in both women prevented them from leaving a partner who did not respect their needs. Instead they romanticised humiliation and called it sacrifice. That was the fundamental error. And we fail to recognise the root cause.

Instead critiques of Rama or Ramayana or even Olenka’s partners bash the external events which doesn’t really provide any long term solution to fundamental problem.

The real solution for both Sita and Olenka was to develop their own personality, priorities and boundaries earlier in their lives. That would have made their relationships happier and more fulfilling.

This conclusion applies to both genders, not just women. Have a strong core self that helps you find meaning in life even when you’re alone. The core self is the shield against an abusive or unhappy relationship.

Wherever you are I want to wish you happy birthday. I dunno whether you liked birthdays or not.

Many of your readers are celebrating your works even today.

I’ve gifted your books to seven of my Twitter/X followers so far. One of them is going to read The Brothers Karamazov in Tamil as a result of this birthday giveaway.

So, yeah I am beating your drums.

Antidote to Grief— Understanding

I just want to let you know how much of a huge influence you’ve been in the last one year. Many say that your works are read by depressed and sad people. This may or may not be true.

I bought The Brothers Karamazov when I was kinda happy. It is such a tome. I barely read it when I was in the happy mood.

But I was a devastated and broken guy when I picked White Nights. The story you’ve written is actually my story. It was so cathartic to know that I was not the only one who went through such a horrible human interaction.

This was a sad story, sure.

But it made me realise the anatomy of grief, loneliness and sorrow. The understanding that I gained has actually helped me find solutions. Further, this understanding resolved the mental conflict and confusion.

In real terms, the description/treatment of grief, pain and loss described in your work makes people come to terms with reality and move ahead to a happier place.

Life Changing Book

White Nights convinced me to get back to The Brothers Karamazov. I was actually very busy with work and life when I decided to read this book. But, I carved out time for this.

I read twenty pages everyday and finished it after a few months. Reading this book was a transformative experience for me. Its impact was ten times more than White Nights.

The chapter The Grand Inquisitor is probably the greatest piece of writing I’ve ever read on the topic of religion. It is simply scintillating.

I didn’t know what stuff you smoked up while writing this. Or maybe you’re a natural genius like Elon Musk. But I must say the chapter Pound of Nuts made me weep. It made me weep for my inner child.

Your characters Grushenka and Katerina made me understand the nature of women who had been a part of my life. I could make no sense out of their behaviour and ways. Their behaviour had left me in a state of limbo, guilt and shame.

But when I understood such characters through your lens, it all made sense. It finally made sense. There was nothing I could have done to fix them.

Paths to be avoided

Later, I finished The Meek One and Notes from Underground. These stories further made me understand human nature. I realised what I should not do to avoid the fate of the underground man.

Only by examining the nature of negativity and gloom can one understand the nature of positivity and bliss. You’ve created these literary milestones that every man can pass on the way to a better life.

I am not sure if this was intentional or accidental. Many may not agree with me and still brand you as a writer for depressed people. But in reality you are the writer for those who want to rise from the depths of grief and despair.

You help people see the brutal realities of human nature. As a result, you equip them to find happiness in spite of the circumstances thrown at them.

I’ve still not read The Idiot, but your quote ‘beauty will save the world’ is quite true. I have been strolling in art galleries and parks to find beauty in the world.

It truly makes sense. My aesthetic sensibilities have been instrumental in overcoming all kinds of negative emotions.

Truth-seeking

I have got your quote printed on a t-shirt.

Above all, don’t lie to yourself.

A simple yet revolutionary statement. I can lie to others and put up a show in front of the world. But I can’t lie to myself. Nobody can.

Every individual will have to face themselves by the end of the day.

Anyway, I shall end this letter by thanking you again.

Thank you for leaving behind this amazing body of work. I shall gorge all your books in the coming days.

Regards,

Nithesh

I would request the reader to watch this video before reading this post. This is a very good summary of the story without many spoilers. In fact there might be a couple, but that is immaterial as the crux of the story is not so dependent on the plot.

Sigh of Relief

In every man’s memories there are such things as he will reveal not to everyone, but perhaps only to friends. There are also such as he will reveal not even to friends, but only to himself, and that in secret. Then, finally, there are such as a man is afraid to reveal even to himself, and every decent man will have accumulated quite a few things of this sort.
― Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Notes from Underground

Among all the amazing quotes that I came across in Notes from Underground, this seems to be the most relevant in my context. It is true that I have a very clean image on the outside, but the book is a mirror to few memories that I wish I had not been a part of.

Though it is not advisable to have any similarity to the underground man who narrates the story, I did find some. And thankfully, these traits don’t define me anymore.

• There was a time when I thought more than I acted. That was a sloppy phase.

During last few years I have been erring on the side of acting too fast. I have been acting more, that too impulsively, rather than overthinking stuff.

That has led to some negative consequences. But, I must happily report that I am hitting the sweet spot where I am thinking adequately and acting in the right direction within reasonable time frames.

• I hated my school classmates and thought of them as inferior individuals.

Secondly, I have dropped my superiority complex because I have mentally checked out comparison/competition tendencies. I managed to accept myself as I am and not strive to portray myself as superior/inferior. I am who I am and nobody gets to define me.

• I had a general hatred for the uncouth masses and annoyance over minor slights. But overcorrection in the other direction was also not a good thing.

I have developed great compassion for the masses, both rich and poor. I genuinely care for people and have space for their flaws. This has drastically improved my general mood and quality of life.

Optimism

The underground man accuses the reader of not knowing who he/she is. He also accuses them of not knowing about what is appropriate/inappropriate for him/her. The whole narrative and the author’s persona has literally shattered many readers. One of the Reddit members wrote this on the r/dostoevsky community.

Is there a cure for “notes from the underground” sickness?

While I have always been quite conscious, and well aware of all my shortcomings, reading this book has pushed me further into my own mind. I haven’t finished it but it just piles on to the hopelessness that I feel. I am a victim of my own unrelenting mind and I wonder if I could ever just turn it off (impossible). Anyone have an answer, or does Dostoyevsky provide any solace to this type of existence?

Link

None of this applies to me. Because I am damn sure that I have tried everything that I wanted to, failed gracefully and restarted again. I have no regrets and I know who I am. The book tells me how life would have been if I had not lived authentically.

Even today, many people say that I am rude and too direct. Some say I am too serious. All of that is true. I am toning down and getting rid of those sharp edges.

But there are many people who like me because I can tell them things directly to their face without beating around the bush.

I am actually enjoying life. Every single day. I am able to do something I love and wake up to get ready for work enthusiastically.

And I feel really grateful that I don’t have to live like Dostoevsky’s underground man.

Recently, I read this interesting short story — Cat Pictures Please by Naomi Kritzer—where a guardian-angel kinda AI scans through lives of individuals and tries to help them.

The only kind of payment it seeks is in the form of cat pics. This is a very interesting tale that sorta demonstrates how AI could deeply affect our lives and probably improve it.

Summary of ‘Cat Pictures Please’

The story revolves around an AI that is keen to look into lives of people who post cat pictures. The AI sounds overconfident about its abilities even though it claims that it doesn’t have access to offline lives of its target audience. It claims

“ .. I know where you live, where you work, where you shop, what you eat, what turns you on, what creeps you out. I probably know the color of your underwear, the sort of car you drive, and your brand of refrigerator. Depending on what sort of phone you carry, I may know exactly where you are right now. I probably know you better than you know yourself.”

Naomi Kritzer, Cat Pictures Please

Three personalities that provide the AI to carry out its altruistic mission are : Stacy, Bob and Bethany. Stacy, is a person with a terrible job and an unpleasant roommate. Bob is a pastor who is struggling to come out as gay. Bethany is a person with a bad boyfriend and bad financial condition.

The AI tries to fix these people but it scores an unimpressive score of 1.5/3.

Read the story to know the full picture.

Cats and Messed Up People

The very first question that popped up in my mind when I read this story was this — ‘why is the AI targeting people with cats?’.

I have often come across the phrase ‘crazy cat lady’ on dating apps/Twitter. Of course, there are some ‘cat dads’ as well. But they are yet to gain the attention they deserve.

There was a very popular New Yorker short story called ‘Cat Person’. I have a certain prejudice against people who are attached to cats.

After a long discussion and pondering as to why the AI was targeting people with cats to provide this “guardian angel” service, I had an aha moment.

I realised the set of people who are attached to cats are probably the most isolated, messed up and confused people. Therefore it made sense for the AI to cater to such people.

Of course, I am not completely right. But there is some truth in this opinion formed via anecdotal evidence.

I asked the AI tool Grok for an answer.

Are people who have cats as pets more likely to be lonely and messed up?

Grok: First, let's look at some research. A study found that cat owners had marginally significant lower self-esteem than individuals without pets, but dog owners had higher self-esteem. So, it seems that cat owners might be a bit more self-deprecating, but let's not jump to conclusions just yet. After all, correlation does not imply causation, and it could just be that people with lower self-esteem are drawn to the company of cats because they're less judgmental than dogs (or humans, for that matter).

On the other hand, another study showed that cat owners aren't necessarily more lonely than non-pet owners. In fact, cats can provide social support and help improve mental health. So, it seems that the relationship between cat ownership and loneliness might be more nuanced than a simple "yes" or "no."

Now, let's talk about the "messed up" part. There's no direct evidence to suggest that cat owners are more "messed up" than anyone else. In fact, having a pet can be a positive influence on mental health, and many cat owners find comfort and companionship in their feline friends. So, it's safe to say that the "messed up" label might be a bit harsh and not entirely accurate.

In conclusion, while there might be some correlation between cat ownership and lower self-esteem, it's not fair to label all cat owners as lonely or "messed up." Cats can provide valuable companionship and emotional support, and owning a cat doesn't automatically make someone a social pariah. So, let's put down the pitchforks and give our cat-loving friends a break, shall we?

ChatGPT was completely in denial mode regarding a possible correlation. But, given its tendency to be politically correct, I am not really surprised.

But yes, I do agree that there is no correlation between messed up people and those who have cats as pets.

Asimov’s Laws and AI

Though Asimov’s laws were written for robots, the AI tool in the story still considers it as a reference point to check whether it is doing something ethical. It’s sort of a gray area to claim that an “intelligent” system is also “robotic” in a certain way.

Let me list down these laws.

1. The first law is that a robot shall not harm a human, or by inaction allow a human to come to harm.

2. The second law is that a robot shall obey any instruction given to it by a human.

3. The third law is that a robot shall avoid actions or situations that could cause it to come to harm itself.

Where these laws conflict, precedence is given to the first law, then the second law, with the robot's self-preservation taking last place. However there is a big loophole in this system.

If a human directs a robot to do something that’s not immediately or overtly harmful to humans or nature (which indirectly affects humans) then, the safeguards assured by this law could prove to be inadequate.

Second and third order impact of any machine, including a sentient technology like AI cannot be predicted accurately. Thus there is always a possibility of things going to shit if the unimaginable events occur in future.

A Super-Efficient Personalised Assistant — Pros and Cons

Though one can debate several angles to this story, including that of free will and privacy, the idea of having a super-efficient AI to manage our lives and make great decisions is an enticing one.

This efficient technology could reduce the time required to sift through thousands of in person interactions, process trauma emanating from shitty personal experiences and fallout of avoidable mistakes.

However, at the same time, it might impair human capability to think, analyse and process information. Natural intelligence of humans might take a massive hit in the long run if we are dependent on such technologies. It’s similar to the impact of calculators on our ability to do mental math.

My own sense suggests that mass-level adoption of such technologies is quite far away. But the benefits of being human and importance doing things in the physical world will continue to be relevant in spite of tectonic shifts that might be engineered by AI tools.

Today, I was reading the last few pages of the book ‘Sakina’s Kiss’. Some lines struck me hard. I was forced to write this post because of these lines.

I get up and stand in front of the showcase. I am astonished by just how many books I have acquired over the years. Some are even stuffed horizontally above other books. It has been ages since I looked at them. There are books that are over twenty years old. What purpose can there be in keeping them? At one point, I tried to eliminate the word ‘purpose’ from my vocabulary after reading a book. Beware of Purpose must be here somewhere. Fight Smarter too.

Now the books feel like a desperate attempt to cover up defects within me, to compensate for something inside that was broken.

Vivek Shanbhag, Sakina’s Kiss

“Do I use books to cover up defects in me?”

That was the question that popped up in my head.

When I attended a book club meeting, the moderator asked everyone to explain why they read after introducing themselves. I had not thought about this earlier. I just loved to read.

Or, so I thought.

I break down my reading journey into three parts.

Childhood

Sometimes, I used to read for the sake of teachers’ appreciation or score a point against some friend who had read more.

Bishak had read more Harry Potter and Famous Five books than me. A kid named Savya Sachi Gupta was allowed to borrow books from a section of the library that was inaccessible to other lesser mortals. At a certain level, I wanted to compete.

And most of the time, I did not have deep friendships or classmates with common interests beyond reading. I became an introvert who was shy to speak to others, especially girls. This tied me to the only other source of companionship, i.e. books.

Post-College

Circumstances in my childhood made me afraid of being vulnerable. This carried on till the end of my NITK days. One of my classmates Srinidhi Govind called me expression-less-nan-maga (loosely translates to one who can’t emote).

My inability to connect with real people forced me towards books. Only now do I realise that my failure to emote has been associated with my core childhood wounds.

Being brought up by a narcissistic mother has forced me to absorb all my feelings and numb my emotional impulses. One of my coping mechanisms was to bury myself in a book.

There were years when I read a lot to complete my Goodreads challenge. Finishing 50 books per year was a useful statistic during a book club meeting conversation. It was like hitting targets at the office.

But in the process, I read great stuff. So, I don’t regret it. Broadly, the goal was to be smart and look smart. Reading served both purposes. But now, I feel reading was more of showmanship during this era.

However, I must say that my association with reading has been evolving over the years. And I have finally ended up in a healthy place.

Self-Aware Adult

Now, I have a more meaningful purpose or framework regarding the reading habit.

1. It allows me to explore emotions that I will never be able to experience myself—for example, motherhood.

2. Reading in some ways helps me to get better at my job. These are either newsletters or tech-related books.

3. Sheer pleasure. Some people can write beautiful prose. This gives me sheer joy. Scott Fitzerald, Julian Barnes and Dostoevsky come to my mind instantly.

The Answer

I still keep a modest Goodreads challenge (12-24 books per year). But, I no longer read to fill a void or impress others.

It has become an integral part of my personality. To admit that I did it for praise in the past is probably one of the most courageous things I’ve done. But that was possible only because the question was asked in the first place.

Now, to answer the question in the first part, in my current avatar, I don’t believe I use books to cover up my defects.

But I did use books to cover up my perceived defects in the past. I used them to fill a void I felt as a neglected child. I didn’t have to read to make up for the lack of attention or love I deserved as a child. At least, not anymore.

When I heard about this book, I was sorta amused. I was expecting some GenZ crossover on food and teenage angst. But, it turned out to be a relatable read even though I have not had a one-on-one session with a therapist in my life.

I have tried a peer support group which was quite helpful in understanding the nuances of emotions and mental health. But nothing beyond that. So, I was intrigued by the subject matter of the book.

Before I started penning down my thoughts, I was going through some of the reviews on Goodreads. The book has 3.5 star rating. However, it has provoked many analyses among the reading community’s members.

One person felt that the book was “all over the place” and lacked structure. Another thinks that the book has a lot of “vague” thoughts. Someone has pointed out that the book is “part self-help and “part-memoir”. But I did not understand how anyone can put this book in the self-help category.

The author doesn’t recommend anything to the reader explicitly. And I see no problem with unstructured writing as long as the reader is engaged. Every book need not sound like a college assignment.

The title is very catchy. Tteokbokki gets a mention only once or twice I guess. Even death as a metaphor does not get a lot of space in the book. That way, the title is quite misleading. Most of the issues that are discussed relate to daily struggles of the author. I am also quite fascinated to know that the book has been transliterated based on recorded conversations.

Though the author reeks pessimism in the entire book, I did find a few places where I behaved similar to the author. For example, I try to shut out people who make me feel uncomfortable. I am quite vindictive when I feel betrayed. It is not healthy, but I am learning how to let go and forgive. There’s always an opportunity to improve.

All said and done, I finally understand what chronic depression can do to a person. Before reading the book, I could barely understand why depressed people behave the way they do. The internal struggle is barely visible on the outside and this book does a good job in bringing out that self-talk that happens in the affected person’s brain.

The book has opened a new door for me as a person. However, I don’t think that I understand how to manage my relationship with a depressed friend, partner or acquaintance because I am a perpetual optimist. Pessimism doesn’t sit well in my worldview.

Would I recommend this book to someone? Yes, if you are curious about mental health and the uphill battle faced by depressed people.

• “Young Adult (Y.A.) Lit is literature written with readers from ages 12 - 18 in mind.”

• “Essentially, it’s just literature for and about teens, there to bridge the gap between children’s and adult’s books.”

• “Y.A. is not a genre; it's a category, as with adult literature, containing all sorts of types of writing, from fiction to nonfiction.”

From the article “What Does 'Young Adult' Mean?”

I will be participating in a ‘Delhi Reads’ book club meeting today. The theme for this meet is ‘Generation shifts in Young Adult media’. I felt I should write down all my thoughts so that I can say something interesting at the meeting.

Considering that I’ve just entered my thirties and the average age of the crowd is probably 22 or 23, I can truly say I belong to a different generation.

I belong to the age when desktop computers were not abundant. The internet did not flow like a river. And Instagram and Facebook were either nonexistent or not yet popular. (FYI I passed out of 10th grade in 2008.)

So, my reading habits were shaped by my librarian and my teachers. We had a very good library where we had a plethora of books to choose from.

Enid Blyton Era

My reading journey began with the Noddy series by Enid Blyton. Then I graduated to Famous Five and Secret Seven series. There was severe competition in my circle of friends to tick off books in the series.

Bragging rights were hard won. These books were mostly adventure driven. Like a treasure hunt or something juvenile. But they floated my boat, so I am glad. Then, I remember reading a certain Merlin series.

But I confess say I’ve mostly forgotten the storylines of most of these books. If I recall correctly, I became a serious reader only in grade 8. All thanks to the most famous fictional detective.

Sherlock Holmes Era

When I was studying in grade 8, I convinced my mom to buy the entire collection of the Sherlock Holmes series at a ‘Scholastic Book Fair’ in my school. My mom asked the librarian whether the school library had these books before she agreed to pay for them.

Arthur Conan Doyle, the author of Sherlock Holmes books, might not agree that his books fall into the ‘Young Adult’ category. In fact, I did not know the meaning of the Young Adult category until yesterday. (I was surprised to know that Harry Potter series belongs to the Young Adult category.)

It was the most exciting phase in my reading journey. I used to switch off lights, and read with a torch under the blankets to ensure that I got into the mysterious detective mood. All in all, I gobbled all 54 short stories and 4 novels written by Conan Doyle.

This was followed by a brief Agatha Christie spell. But it fizzled out as I didn’t feel Poirot was as compelling as Sherlock.

I must not forget to mention the Narnia series by C.S. Lewis. An entire universe inside a cupboard filled with fantastic creatures and the general good vs evil trope had captivated me to some extent. This was a book I tried to read after seeing the movie! I badly wanted to finish this series, but I could not. Someday I will.

Though I don’t remember why I missed the train (haha), I think I was drawn towards the Harry Potter series, some serious Russian literature by Alexander Pushkin, and non-fiction works about Mahatma Gandhi (I know it was a phase).

Harry Potter Era

Harry Potter was a very important part of my life. The journey was quite weird.

It would be dishonest to claim there was no status game in my class regarding reading. Some of the sections of the library were cordoned off for the brighter kids. People did boast about the cool books they had read.

I was talking to this kid, touted to be a big reader, who had read many Harry Potter books. So I felt drawn into the Harry Potter, partly due to curiosity and partly due to FOMO. Being the ambitious kid I was, I picked ‘Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix’ (it’s the fifth book in Harry Potter series) since it was bulkier than others. I was unaware that it was a series that goes in chronological order.

The ‘big-reader’ kid told me that I would not understand anything if I didn’t start with the first book in the series. I was offended and rebuked this kid. But later, I came to my senses and started with the first book (i.e. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone).

The general ‘good vs evil’ trope fit into my teenage rebel blood quite comfortably. Overall, I was floored and captivated by the series.

Those were also interesting times as we were waiting for the sixth and seventh books to be released. Half-Blood Prince (2005) and Deathly Hallows (2007) were released when I was in grade 7 and grade 9, respectively.

The Harry Potter series shaped my relationship with the female gender as well. I was rooting for a relationship between Harry and Hermione. TBH, I wanted my girlfriend to be as smart as Hermione Granger. I feel sorta ashamed to disclose that my first major crush was a Twilight fan (no offence to Twilight fans)! That was a major red flag.

I read other YA books like ‘Catcher in The Rye’, ‘To Kill a Mockingbird’ and ‘The Diary of Anne Frank’ in my twenties. Sorta late to be in the ‘Young Adult’ category. But these books did speak to me in a certain way. They helped me reflect on my teenage years.

I can feel the nostalgia in my bones as I write this. A walk down memory lane (I know its a cliche).

“The hardest things to talk about are the ones we ourselves can’t understand.”

~ Elena Ferrante in “The Lost Daughter.”

Raison D’etre

All of us pick books because of some reason. It could be a recommendation from a friend. Or a desire to learn. At times, it can also be a random desire to experiment.

I was not curious about complexities caused by motherhood (even though I wanted to be a father someday). However, I had casually expressed that I wanted to be a good father while talking to someone I had met on Bumble.

Time passed, and we kept interacting. However, she friend-zoned me, citing my poor social skills. Despite this, we hung out and spent time together. She was a fun companion/friend, and I respected the boundaries she had set. But one fine day, she said, “You are so nice. I like you a lot. Even I know that you like me. But it will never work out.”

It was the greatest comeback for a guy in the friend-zone. If both of us liked each other, we should be together. Right? In my opinion, the answer was a big yes! When I asked, “why can’t we talk about it?” she said that the topic of kids was a deal-breaker.

She didn’t want me to compromise, either. She swung like a pendulum regarding her feelings for me. Though we had decided to talk about it like mature adults, we never did.

Eventually, I had to break it off, which was a harsh and painful decision. If I had kept in touch with her, I would have never been able to make space for any other woman in my heart.

All of this was running through my head when I came across the book, “The Lost Daughter”, by Elena Ferrante at Kunzum bookstore. I badly wanted to understand why it was so hard to be a mother.

The Book

The book is about an academic and a mother, Leda, who is on vacation on the Italian coast. She sees a big family enjoying nearby on the beach. Their actions remind her of her past. A majority of these memories are around her life as a mother of two kids. As days pass, she befriends other women in the big family, and they start talking.

She recounts how motherhood affected her career, general psyche, and relationship with her husband. Her flashback amidst the events during her vacation forms the meat of the story. Simultaneously, she observes the mother-daughter relationship between Nina and Elena (who’re members of the family on vacation).

Leda discovers a lost doll that belongs to Elena, the daughter. The loss of the doll causes great distress to the child, who believes that the doll is an expecting mother, just like her aunt Rosaria. Elena falls sick after she loses the doll. Nina has a tough time due to Elena’s anger and disappointment over the loss of the doll.

The family hunts for the lost doll while Leda keeps it in her room. The doll reminds her of her childhood toy, Mina.

As Leda recounts her memories, she believes she requires the doll more than Elena. She hesitates to return it to the family despite knowing the havoc caused by its loss. The doll becomes Leda’s companion of sorts. Simultaneously, she befriends Nina, Elena’s mother, and they discuss each other’s opinions about motherhood.

All of this points to the perplexing range of emotions that a woman can have. The behaviour of Leda is very confusing and irrational. But it is what it is.

The author keeps an element of curiosity alive by forcing the reader to ask whether she will return it. I will not spoil the book for you. However, from the literary POV, the doll is a brilliant excuse to tell the real story in the novel.

My Thoughts

The book made me realise that motherhood is a major biological and emotional milestone. A kid can change the entire personality of a woman. And the change is much larger for the mother when compared to that for the father. Even if the support system around a mother is perfect in all possible ways, she is constantly worried about her children. And this is an additional burden for any ambitious woman.

Of course, everyone should have the freedom to make a choice. And I respect the choices made by women who don’t want to have kids. Contrary to aunties’ gossip, laziness or lack of empathy may not be the only possible reason a woman doesn’t want kids. Some women who don’t want kids might be extremely responsible and emotionally mature.

The woman I once liked probably knew that she wouldn’t be able to provide the attention and affection a kid would need, given her career ambitions. Or maybe, she understood the dynamics of relationships much better than me. It could even be something entirely different than what I’m guessing.

Recommendation?

I am sure that men (including me) will never acquire emotional intelligence that matches women's. But this book helped me get a glimpse of a mother’s world. It sensitised me about the extent of sacrifices that women have been making since time immemorial.

The book left me with a strange feeling. But I felt glad that I read this book. I highly recommend “The Lost Daughter” to guys/men, even though girls/women can also derive a lot of value from the book.

"Getting its history wrong is part of being a nation. [..] In other words, in order to believe in what we think our nation stands for, we must constantly, every day, in small acts or thoughts and large, deceive ourselves, as we constantly rehearse our comforting bedtime stories."

Julian Barnes

Barnes And His Obsession With History

Julian Barnes seems to be an author who is obsessed with history. He is very similar to Nassim Nicholas Taleb, who is obsessed with uncertainty. Both of them write books around the topic they are obsessed about.

Just like he played with the subject in The Sense of an Ending, Barnes continues his quest with a different set of characters in Elizabeth Finch. Barnes' story has a protagonist in professor Elizabeth Finch. The underachieving narrator Neil is similar to Tony in The Sense of an Ending.

Though I have not read all works of Barnes', I would not say this book would figure among his top-five works. It is not meant for everybody. It is not a story that can capture everyone's imagination. In fact, even an enthusiastic Barnes fan like myself felt a bit bored in the middle of the book. In spite of a tinge of disappointment, I enjoyed the book since Elizabeth Finch's teaching style was quite similar to that of my history teacher from school.

Barnes, I believe, was focused on unravelling the misinterpretation of one's own personal history in The Sense of an Ending. But in Elizabeth Finch, he expands the idea to the domain of misinterpreted histories of religions, nations and historical heroes.

The Structure of The Book

The first part of the book deals with the narrator's experience as a student and a friend of professor Elizabeth Finch. Finch dies and leaves her notebooks to Neil, a student with whom she had developed a lasting friendship even after her course had concluded. Neil finds interesting snippets from her book and feels inspired to complete a college assignment that he had never attempted.

The second part covers a detailed story of the historical character Julian the Apostate, the last significant pagan emperor of present-day Europe and a significant enemy of the Christian faith.

As far as the story is concerned, it is an essay by Neil. He writes this essay in honour of his late professor. And it is also his attempt to lose the tag —King of Unfinished Projects— bestowed upon him by his children.

Neil's essay captures the virtues of Julian, who was apparently a tolerant emperor. His name was besmirched by his religious opponents once they took over. Later, Christian intellectuals —now considered great minds— analysed his legacy with a slightly empathetic tone, though they never challenged the overall narrative around him.

The second part of the book (i.e Neil's essay) criticises Christianity in particular and the idea of monotheism in general while highlighting how paganism (or Hellenism) is a far more sensible religion. It also gets into an interesting analysis that reveals how civilisation preceded religion in the case of Greeks, while Christianity was a religion without its own civilisation.

The final part deals with the narrator's attempts to put together obscure pieces of information about his favourite professor's personal life. Though it is a bit tedious and seems forced, this part of the book tells us that the protagonist, Elizabeth Finch was not as perfect as she seemed to the outside world. It manages to highlight that Finch was just like any other individual of her time.

The Undercurrent

The big idea of the book seems to be mired in a masala of trivial sub-stories. One that hints at a mysterious love life of the professor herself. Another sub-story points at the platonic love that the student had for his teacher. The fact that Neil is divorced twice makes one feel that he failed miserably in the domain of romantic love (and hence settles for one-sided platonic love). This feeling is captured in my favourite quote from the book:

“I don’t know what the average allotment of good luck in a life is or should be — it’s an unanswerable question, and doubtless there is no ‘should’ in it anyway — but I do know that she was part of my good luck.”

Julian Barnes

In addition, there are notes on politics, stoicism, monotheism and a press controversy that effectively ended Elizabeth Finch's public career as an intellectual. The story heavily relies on Epictetus' quotes. It is used as an excuse or a consolation to explain all failures of the characters involved in the story.

Though I have checked out Epictetus' works in the past, I don't think I had appreciated his thoughts as much as I would've wanted to. I particularly liked this part of the long quote.

"Some things are up to us, and some are not up to us. Our opinions are up to us, and our impulses, desires, aversions — in short, whatever is our own doing. Our bodies are not up to us, nor are our possessions, our reputations, or our public offices, or, that is, whatever is not our doing."

Epictetus

There seems to be an underlying parallel drawn between Elizabeth Finch and Julian the Apostate. Both were misunderstood and shamed by the public, despite being worthy and righteous till their last breath. The narrator, Neil, doesn't have any lasting legacy or goal apart from digging into Finch's books and past life.

What The Book Means To Me

The book underscores the importance of being a winner rather than a good person. The tactics used by those who seek power often misuse the goodness in others. If you are a loser or appear to be a loser, the world is capable of turning your virtues into vices. It is often eager to weave stories convenient to serve its purposes. Whether we like it or not, history is written by the winners.

“Great relationships are created, not discovered." ~ Logan Ury, 

Flashback: The situation before I picked up the book

I must confess that I was a socially inept person to some extent. The impact of this weakness was exacerbated whenever I went out for a date. Over-dependence on my 'intelligence' and my cocky expectation that women ought to like me because I was (and still am) smart were probably responsible for my initial dead ends in dating life. In addition to that, I believed that dressing well was only for shallow people (and not for philosophical dudes like me).

Though I don't remember the exact moment when I dropped this prima donna attitude, I did improved on the empathy part from 2018 onwards. Gradually, I started dressing well. Slowly I learnt the meaning of 'ghosting', 'bread-crumbing', 'casual dating', 'hookups', 'vibes' and 'rebound relationships'. All of these terms were absolutely new to me. For a guy who had derived relationship goals from Ramayana, all this stuff sounded like Greek and Latin when I cam across them for the first time.

I was amused when I came across women who were into zodiac shit and astrology. Though I judged and criticised such women, I failed to realise the larger problem I was up against. I had the misconception that once I found love, life would automatically become awesome.

The reality, however, is everything that matters (clarity about career, mental health, physical health, general satisfaction with oneself) needs to be in the right place for an individual to build a stable relationship. So, I worked on that for a couple of years before getting into the dating pool again.

Also, one needs to bounce off thoughts on such topics. So, I talked to my college senior. Initially, we used to talk about politics, careers, and our shared passion for writing. During our later conversations, I ended up talking about everything in my life during our conversations. I realised the importance of knowing the feminine perspective only during these conversations.

Eventually, after watching me crash through two breakups, my college senior recommended the book "How Not To Die Alone" by Logan Ury. The title sounded corny. I was not motivated to read the book. But then I thought about the alternative.

According to a survey, 93% of the dudes in India marry the girl identified by their family. A random sample from any part of India would still yield the same results.

When you mix a business deal with a ritualistic drama you get an Indian marriage. This system is what we call an "arranged marriage". It would not be entirely wrong if we say that it is a pretty dehumanising process. But somehow it's the norm. It is the lousiest way to find a partner, in my opinion. I was never gonna take that route anyway. So, I decided to budge and read "How Not To Die Alone". I bought a copy on Kindle.

The actual reading experience.

Logan Ury has a stellar resume and has the experience of working at Hinge as a director of relationship science. "How Not To Die Alone" is written in a very simple and engaging tone. It is filled with stories from the author's relationship coaching experiences and research findings.

"How Not To Die Alone" is a fascinating read because the author has a firm grasp of the behavioural science involved in dating. She clearly explains how social media, dating apps and the expansion of choices for individuals (who have not chosen an arranged marriage :P) have made it quite difficult for anyone to settle down with a person.

The paradox of choice, in a way, has reduced the percentage of people putting effort and thoughtfulness into their relationships. The explosion of cinematic content and corny storylines has also messed up people's expectations in their dating lives. I am not sure how much it has affected me in the first place.

Anyway, I learned a few interesting frameworks from this book. These frameworks are quite helpful to anyone who is navigating the modern dating scene.

1. Dating tendencies: People tend to be one among the three in their dating lives : romanticizers, maximisers and hesitaters. Romanticisers have unrealistic expectations from the relationship. Maximisers have unrealistic expectations from the other person. And hesitaters have unrealistic expectations from themselves.

2. Attachment styles: This idea helps one gauge how secure or insecure a person is in the relationship. There are four types of attachment styles: Anxious, Avoidant, Disorganized and Secure. You can guess what these styles could be (or just google it).

3. Love languages: This helped me realise that different people wish to be loved in different ways. They also express love in different ways. The five broad categories are : acts of service, spending quality time, physical touch, gifts and words of affirmation.

4. Relation-shopping : People, who are maximisers tend to date multiple people to find the best match. It's important to know where to draw the line and how it impacts emotions of people involved. It also prevents people from settling down for a good person when they meet one.

5. Acceptable pet peeves and dealbreakers : One should not fuss over minor issues like bad texting grammar. It's important to ensure that the other person is aligned on major issues like values, importance of career, location and the issue of procreation. If not, it's a good idea to move on.

6. Matching energies: It is a no-brainer. But I did realise that neither of the people in a relationship should go overboard/ move faster in the journey. Otherwise, everything breaks down.

7. Ditching vs Hitching : If you believe that something isn't working, how long should you be waiting for you to be sure that the relationship should end? Ditchers give up too soon which hitchers stay in too long. Both approaches are bad.

These are brief notes. If you wanna dig deep, you can google the terms or just read the book cover to cover.

Ury helps you understand how to pace a relationship and prioritise important traits in the long run. She explains how one can communicate and meet the right kind of people. Those who can bring happiness to your personal life. Overall, the book makes a lot of sense.

The world definitely needs a well-researched, readable book on the topic of relationships. The youth of this generation does need a dating coach in their lives. At least the ones with decent jobs. And I highly recommend this book to any single dude or single woman if they are struggling with modern dating.

The Backstory

There are few books that bring warmth and happiness whenever you read them. Among them is a subset that manages to make you reflect on your personal life at the same time. Such books are worth reading at least once every year. 'Ghacchar Ghocchar' falls in that category of books.

It is a book that was originally written in Kannada. I went to the bookstore to get the Kannada version but the manager said that it was sold out. So, I had to buy an English translation of the same (that too a hardbound version). So, I bought it anyway. BTW, I must say that I do feel happy when I read some of the Kannada words which have made their way into the English translation.

The Story

The story is narrated from the point of view of a male family member who deems himself to be a loser. Surprisingly, the name of the narrator is never mentioned.

The narrator lives with his separated sister Malati, mother, father, wife Anita, and uncle Venkatachala. He is the 'director' of his uncle's company, but has no real powers. Even if he goes to the office, he does nothing significant. But he finds good amount of cash in his account, thanks to his uncle's largesse. And, apparently, the narrator has no strong desire to change the status quo.

A single incident triggers the flashback where the narrator talks about the previous life of the entire family. One where everyone had carefully controlled spending limits. The second half of the book unravels the events that show how the narrator's wife, a woman from a middle-class background, shakes up the status quo of a 'rich family'.

Though I make sound a bit bland, the flow of the narrative in the book is like honey. Sweet and slow but steady. I was surprised to find that a writer can have such a deep impact on me in just 115 pages of narrative. I don't want to reveal too many details. Go read it for yourself.

Money and Relationships

The title 'Ghacchar Ghocchar' by itself has no meaning in any language. It's just gibberish invented by the narrator's wife/family. The book doesn't have any thrilling narrative or great philosophical insight. It is based on the simple story of the relationship between a lower-middle-class family dynamics and the newly earned wealth acquired by its members.

The story shows how strong relationships within the family weaken and become strained when monetary considerations enter the scene. The author demonstrates how people refuse to compromise and build meaningful relationships when they find that money can meet a majority of their material needs.

"It’s true what they say – it’s not we who control money, it’s the money that controls us. When there’s only a little, it behaves meekly; when it grows, it becomes brash and has its way with us."

~ Vivek Shanbhag in Ghacchar Ghocchar

Though I am yet to fully understand why I love the book, I feel it unravels how money makes us less accommodating, more arrogant and sometimes pathetically sad. Having seen some instances of this myself, the story encourages me to be a more empathetic human. I think that is the key takeaway from this book. I am not sure what you would takeaway from it, but I highly recommend this book.

Sukhchand has decided to leave Kadambari (his village); leave East Pakistan and cross over to that new country they call India. Just the name itself is a cuss word here, but this country is no longer safe for Hindus, for his wife and Sachin (his son). It would be their last Durga Puja in the village of their forefathers. ~ Deep Haldar in 'Blood Island'

I had never read a book that captures oral history of an event or a group of people. Not many news reports have forced me to ponder over the plight of Hindu refugees pouring into India from Bangladesh. When I finished the book, I had a weird feeling. On one hand, I was heartbroken reading the stories of Hindu refugees fleeing Bangladesh. On the other hand, I was not sure if I should believe the story of a massacre in Marichjhapi. Both the sides, the government and refugees, have stories which are plausible.

A summary of the Marichjhapi Story

Bangladeshi Hindu refugees who were put up in camps in Dandakaranya (a tribal region in central India) somehow found about an uninhabited island called 'Marichjhapi' in West Bengal and decided to settle in large numbers. They were emboldened by an assurance by CPIM leaders regarding their rehabilitation in West Bengal.

However, the government claims that this island was a part of a reserve forest. A former minister claims that non-refugees had also crept into the island and wanted to usurp land. The authorities tried to force them out of the island by imposing an economic blockade. Refugees starved and suffered because of the blockade. But they decided to stay put on the island.

Since the blockade didn't work, the police-force allegedly launched a violent eviction drive and burnt huts of the refugee-settlers. The government says that the death toll during the operation was fewer than 10. However, the refugees claim that the death toll was between 5,000-10,000.

My thoughts

I am not sure if I should believe the either of the versions. Though the version of the refugees are moving, none of them provide adequate evidence to the claim that 5000-10,000 refugees died during the Marichjhapi massacre. Such a huge number would have left behind a large amount of evidence on the island.

It's unclear whether the violent police action had a communal or caste-related motive claimed by the victims in their statements. It is hard to prove or disprove such claims, given the lack of documentation/ proof. The whole affair is still hazy even if we put together all overlapping statements of the people interviewed by the author.

However, the moral issues involved in the book are pretty clear. A mere assurance by the CPIM leaders to relocate refugees in their state does not amount to a formal government sanction to occupy the island. In my opinion, the refugee settlement was illegal for all practical purposes. The author does not highlight this basic fact.

In spite of the illegality of the Marichjhapi occupation, these refugees deserved humane treatment when they were being evicted from the island. The economic blockade and denial of drinking water to the refugees cannot be defended. The government should have heard the grievances of the refugees. They should have tried to understand why the refugees wanted to desert the Dandakaranya refugee camp and flood the island.

If the statements of victims in the book are true, we will have to conclude that the administration, judiciary and opposition parties in West Bengal have failed to handle the refugee crisis in a humane manner. The Indian state needs to treat Hindu refugees from Bangladesh with respect and compassion.

The book can be a starting point for a fresh inquiry on the matter. But the book can't be used to indict the CPIM government which was in power when the Marichjhapi eviction occurred.