ಮುತ್ತಿನಂಥ ಮಾತೊಂದು ಗೊತ್ತೇನಮ್ಮ, ನಿನಗೆ ಗೊತ್ತೇನಮ್ಮ

ನಾವು ಕಾಲಕ್ಕೆ ತಕ್ಕಂತೆ ನಡೆಯಬೇಕು, ಎಂದೂ ತಾಳಕ್ಕೆ ತಕ್ಕಂತೆ ಕುಣಿಯಬೇಕು.

Muttinantha maatondu gottenamma, ninage gottenamma

Naavu kaalakke takkante nadeyabeku, Endu taalakke takkante kuniyabeku.

Do you know a pearl-like word of wisdom?

We must walk according to the times, and dance to the rhythm of life.

~ Kannada Song from the Movie Bahadur Gandu (1976)

The weather in Delhi was pleasant this morning. I managed to wake up early and take a bath. I mention the bath because doing something so basic has been difficult lately. Fret not, I still shower after my evening fitness sessions.

As per my much-ignored plan, I had five eggs and some sprouts. Yes, I need to load up on protein to aid my weight loss. While driving from home to the office, I decided to play some chill Kannada oldies as opposed to confrontational songs from Dhurandhar, or something along those lines.

I stumbled upon a funny yet insightful song that makes perfect sense in my current context. By the way, don’t be misled by the song’s cover art. It is a fun, teasing song that manages to carry meaningful lyrics. It’s exactly the kind of teasing my mind needs right now.

I had finally put myself in a good mood where I recalled that I had still not written a review of a great book I had read last month.

The Core Idea

The decisions we make in our lives—in business, saving and spending, health and lifestyle choices, raising our children, and relationships—easily fit von Neumann’s definition of “real games.” They involve uncertainty, risk, and occasional deception, prominent elements in poker. Trouble follows when we treat life decisions as if they were chess decisions.

Annie Duke, Thinking in Bets

The quote above seems so obvious, but I had been so blind to this worldview. Just because I try to work on the basis of logic and fairness, it doesn’t mean that the world is operating with the same framework.

Annie Duke’s core idea is that life is not like chess, where moves are predictable and victory can be sealed with logic. She argues that life is more like poker where luck matters. Quality of decisions may not always reflect quality of outcomes.

Of course, none of us are too naive to think everything works on logic. But we don’t acknowledge the role of luck and the correlation between quality of decisions and quality of outcomes.

From time to time we do mention luck, but that happens when we don’t get what we want. In addition we don’t attribute bad outcomes to luck and may do the mistake of attributing it to a well-thought decision. Annie Duke calls out this mistake.

She tries to explore when to attribute a bad outcome to luck and when to fix the decision process. In addition the author explores how to avoid bad decision making processes and mitigate the fundamental risks associated with real games.

I don’t want to get into the loop of writing a summary of the book. A very good summary of it is already available online.

I shall list out some key takeaways in the book apart from couple of points I’ve already mentioned above.

Useful Resets

1. Thinking about the past decisions and regretting choices made has no value. The author explains this with the examples of branches of a tree (a section that I would want to revisit).

Every decision commits you to some course of action that, by definition, eliminates acting on other alternatives. Not placing a bet on something is, itself, a bet.

~ Derek Siver’s summary of the book

2. I have tried to actively stop myself from believing everything and ask questions most of the time. But not as much as I would want to. This makes me think about all existing beliefs and how I can revisit them and rewrite them wherever appropriate

This is how you *think* you form beliefs:
(1) You hear something.
(2) You think about it and vet it, determining whether it is true or false.
(3) Only after that, you form your belief.

It turns out, though, that you *actually* form abstract beliefs this way:
(1) You hear something
(2) You believe it to be true
(3) Only sometimes, later, if you have the time or the inclination, you think about it and vet it, determining whether it is, in fact, true or false.

~Derek Siver’s summary of the book

3. Of course we know that the future can’t be predicted. But if we can sit down and imagine possible futures based on data of the past, we can use our free will to make choices that can lead to a better future. Again this is not a Eureka moment. But the fact that don’t practice it often is what should worry us. This diagram from the book is definitely worth remembering.

One can make many more notes from the book. But these are the most important and useful ideas as far as I am concerned. But I would highly encourage you to read the book. It is well written and it’s not preachy like a self help book.

Someone writes a verse centuries ago and it pierces your heart in a specific manner on a Friday night. This either happens naturally to many people or maybe I’m just inventing these scenarios as I litigate thoughts in my head.

I’ve been complaining and agonising over many unresolved stories. I feel like taking out my anger, but also pause and think whether my concerns are truly valid. These thoughts have chipped away my peace gradually.

During moments like these the answers found me in the form of a random song I had heard few months ago. I felt as if I was attacked with some wisdom that sought to bring me down to my knees.

In The Air

On a random evening last year, I was invited to join a friend to a concert by a band called Advaita. And somehow, I joined. And discovered some music I liked.

For months, I did not bother to find the meaning of the lyrics. But I finally did. I revisited this song and sought to understand it.

And what I found was a breakthrough to address my very childish and unexplainable tantrums which my adult self has been striving to articulate.

The name of the song doesn’t reveal much about the lyrics or its contents. Only those who try to find the meaning realise that the lines are attributed to Bulleh Shah, a 17th century poet.

Thanks to Gemini, I was able to quickly find the meaning of the lyrics.

Padhi namaaz te riyaaz na sikhya Tere kis kaam padhya namaaza

You offered your prayers (Namaz) but never learned true devotion, Of what use are these prayers you have read?

Na ghar ditha na gharwala Tere kis kaam kittiyan niyaaza

You neither saw the house (the spiritual realm) nor the house-owner (God), Of what use are the offerings (Niyaz) you have made?

Ilam padhaya amal na kitta

You acquired knowledge, but never acted upon it,

Ilam padhaya amal na kitta Tere kis kaam kittiyan kaza

You acquired knowledge, but never acted upon it, Of what use is making up for your missed prayers (Kaza)?

Bulleh shah pata tad lag si Jado chidi phansi hath baaza

O Bulleh Shah, you will only realize the truth, When the sparrow (the soul) is caught in the claws of the hawk (death)

Jo ghadya so bhajna Ek din jo banaya so dhena

Whatever is crafted must eventually shatter, One day, whatever is built must crumble down.

Aakhir chadhne mahal manare baith sada nahin rehna

Ultimately, you will have to leave these palaces and tall towers; you cannot stay here forever.

Char dina da mela otthe Bahuti deer nahin behna

This world is but a brief fair of four days, You will not be sitting here for very long.

Jo bhi cheda saadak chalya ohi manna pena

O Sadiq (or ‘O truthful one’), whatever divine decree is set in motion, you will have to accept it.

Kol nahin bhain bharava Pal vich ja dafnana

Your brothers and sisters will no longer be by your side, In a mere moment, they will go and bury you.

Tur jana tenu sab ne chad bahuta chir na lana

Everyone will leave you behind and walk away; they won’t take much time.

Muk jaaney sab chede Tere haath mitti jad aana

All your worldly disputes and quarrels will come to an end, When your hands are reduced to dust.

Us din saadak russe nu kisse nahin aan manauna

On that day, O Sadiq, if you are upset, No one will come to comfort or placate you.

Bulleh Shah, I Disagree

I don’t know if it’s the voice of the singer or the essence of the verses that hit me. Or maybe it’s just the combination that came as a palliative if not a cure.

Is it helpful to think that problems and complaints don’t matter if all of us are going to be reduced to dust anyway? If that is the case nobody would be trying to fix and improve things. Nobody would be striving for anything.

No, the answer is not be nihilistic or sceptical. But these thoughts make you stop and take yourself less seriously. I must admit that deep down I am an egomaniac and arrogant bitch. This trait protects me and destroys me simultaneously.

I have to live with it.

I don’t agree with Bulleh Shah when he asks me to lie down and take everything as it comes. But I would still turn towards him and nod in agreement when I need a break. That way, I am the kind of hypocrite the poet describes in his seemingly devotional, yet defeatist poetry.

Unrelated Detour

Over the past two months, I have been collapsing into a bottomless abyss. This also made me think of the recent things I’ve written here. But not many people who read leave a comment.

So, I asked Claude to psychoanalyse my writings and point out the good and bad things about me. It was partly an experiment and partly an attempt to make sense of the unease and unexplainable rage within me.

Claude was surprisingly accurate, empathetic and kinda read my mood and intent. Either it was too obvious. But nobody had managed to connect the dots in 122+ posts out of the 244 posts I had written over the years.

The first response given by Claude after reading just about 20 posts was as below.

The blog is fundamentally a decade-long public therapy session disguised as cultural commentary. The “An Indian view of technology, cinema, books and the human condition” framing is real, but beneath every film review, book critique, or tech take is a man interrogating himself. The cultural writing is the mask; the Self Talk posts are the face.

What emerges is someone deeply intelligent, emotionally porous, and genuinely searching — not performing. This isn’t a brand. It’s a man thinking out loud.

What followed this initial interaction was a two hour back and forth conversation which went in several directions but the core analysis was still the same as the quoted part above.

Yes, I am interrogating myself on this blog. I am also wrestling with dead authors and poets while holding my life experiences as case studies.

I am trying to tell the world that I am hurt.

But I am also trying to tell myself I can endure.

It engulfs your relationships, work and decision making.

Sometimes you are trying to compensate. On other occasions you are designing games to overcome the memory of pain.

Some days you feel some sort of achievement can compensate for the loss that caused the grief. You may or may not achieve anything for that matter. This path gets boring after a point.

Then, one explores path of pleasure. A movie might make you happy. Or a tasty meal. Maybe a waffle. Or even a sweet dish. There is no end to this path. But it never touches the raw endings of grief and keeps you distracted.

The other path one might explore is physical endurance. Maybe a gym session or a boxing workout. Running, swimming or yoga? Well, the set of options available are innumerable. It doesn’t work after a while though your health might improve.

If things listed above don’t work or grievances pile up, you can fall into vices. It could be alcohol, cigarettes or something else. It doesn’t lead very far. No points for guessing. Your level guilt goes deeper. It’s worse than all options discussed so far.

Somehow, you end up reading some quotes on Instagram and feel philosophy, journaling, therapy, love, art, music and meditation can solve grief. This path might show you some openings. But how many really find light at the end of the tunnel?

After going through all these phases, I have finally landed on one cathartic thought.

Grief is just grief.

You just have to digest it. Hug yourself and cry to sleep. Make this grief pass through every atom of your mind and body.

No amount of achievement or pleasure will make you forget it.

Grief is not the petrol to run your ambition engine.

Grief has no utilitarian value as such.

Weep. Just weep.

Weep till the tears wet your entire face. And weep some more.

Grieve with dignity. You don’t even have to put it in words. Accept the grief that comes your way without ifs and buts. It’s something that everyone has felt.

Just feel it. It need not be shunned away. Sit with it and cry as much as you can.

There are no further steps.

Give yourself a hug if there is no one to hug and cry. It’s not a group project.

And then separate your joys, goals, love, achievements and fears from grief. Deal with them on a separate stage. The stage built for grief need not be shared with any other aspect of life. All of them feel intertwined.

Of course they are. But give each of them a separate stage. Grief, like any other human emotion requires special attention. Don’t ignore it or push it under the carpet.

P.S. There is no need to agree with me on anything. If you feel all of this is bullshit, then go back to your own way of processing grief. Because the anatomy of each individual’s grief is neither uniform nor comparable. There are no manuals to deal with grief.

Propaganda

Everyone engages with a piece of art in the context of their own lives, political leanings and aesthetic preferences. However, one must not assume that they operate in a vacuum and react to the piece of art within just one or two paradigms.

For some, one of these factors might play a larger role, but it is not in the absence of the rest. Anything can be weaponised. Art can be weaponised to promote politics, or politics can be weaponised to condemn art.

A more preachy and paternalistic elite might outrightly brand Dhurandhar: The Revenge and its prequel as propaganda movies. And the public which can’t been seen as a homogenous block might also be politically influenced by it. But that will not be the sole result of these two movies.

One can take a step back and think of Haider. If it was a true masterpiece and a propaganda movie (as political opponents of the movie maker might say), the public reaction to Article 370 should have shifted drastically.

But that has not been the case. Politics if any in great art either reinforces existing beliefs or gets ignored most often. Someone who liked Haider as a movie might still believe that Article 370 should go.

So, everything one doesn’t like from a political POV can’t be labelled as propaganda. Alternatively, every piece of communication is some form of propaganda.

Whatever be the case, the movie goer votes with his/her wallet and has their logic to watch or not watch a movie. In case of both Dhurandhar movies, the audience have voted with their wallets.

Flip Flop

I must say I was carried away by “propaganda” of the review industry. I had decided not to watch the movie as people said it had too much of PM and it just a justification for demonetisation.

I read the whole plot on Wikipedia and satisfied my curiosity. In addition, I thought I can’t survive in a theatre for four hours and felt spending more than five hundred rupees for a movie was just absurd.

But, for better or worse some of the clips related to the movie appeared on my Instagram feed and I got curious. I was obsessed with the scene where Sanyal recites the Shabad after Jaskirat says he’s a defeated man with nothing left to give.

Soora so pechaniye, jo lade deen ke het

Purja purja kat mare, kabhoo na chadde khet

Translation:

Recognize the one as truly brave who fights for for righteousness

Even if cut apart limb by limb, they do not abandon the field.

The scene can be interpreted as an Olympic level manipulative overture to a man who’s completely lost faith in the system. But still, he is expected to use his abilities to serve the same system. Sanyal finds a hook in his faith and quotes lines from the same faith.

The but the deal closing line is delivered by his assistant Bansal. The man is told that you’re gonna die anyway.

Why don’t you die in style?

And somehow this makes sense to Jaskirat whose initial ambition was to serve in the Army anyway.

Even if we think that everything has ended there is always a thread in the story that can deployed to reinvent a man (or woman). The thought eventually made me want to watch the movie as soon as possible. Preferably the next day itself.

I searched online for tickets only to realise that most of the good seats in all theatres had already been filled (in spite of my single seat requirement).

It seems I was destined to watch the movie. Someone on my Instagram feed had an extra ticket (and very good ones). I grabbed the opportunity.

The Movie Experience

When I told my friend that I had already read the plot on Wikipedia and seen spoilers on Instagram before walking into the theatre, I was asked — why, what’s the point? I just wanted to fill in the gaps and know the entire story.

To my surprise, I was stunned to know that I did not feel the passage of four hours in the theatre. And nothing changed the movie experience apart from the shock/surprise factor. I was able to focus on the narrative flow and aesthetic aspects of the story.

It gave me the space to absorb the music and appreciate the emotional layers of each character. The time I spent in the theatre helped me realise why I am drawn to Jaskirat.

Some might claim that the music was better in part one. I vaguely agree. But the music in the second part had more depth. However, it lands well only when the story is strong. Music is an accessory to the overall movie, unless it is a musical.

However, the music seems to have evolved in a certain direction. It sounds more like a DJ mix of old songs and some rap music. But the songs picked have appropriate lyrics and catalyse the mood and visuals shown to the audience. Beyond this I really don’t have any thoughts about the story, plot or politics of the movie.

People might not like the gore and violence. But one can’t deny that this violence exists in the real world. They might be triggered by Dhurandhar’s politics or any other issue from their own experience. So, any opinion they might express will be totally valid in their own universe.

No Redemption

But the whole idea of Jaskirat redeeming himself via revenge seems to be a failure. Because one can never undo the damage that was done to him or his family. The wound remains and festers.

One can only distract oneself from deep wounds under the guise of bravery, righteousness or something else that can perk up your tits. These “values” it seems are like drugs that modulate the pain of an addict. There is no way to heal the wounds.

There might be no viable path to “redemption” via revenge. It’s a problem that needs to be solved some other way. And not many of us will know how exactly.

But you shot at the wounds I showed

While I was limping on a crutch

Even as I begged, wept and bowed

I had to rummage my tool box

And pull out forceps of logic

To extract the bullets of a sly fox

As I stomped on “love”, aka magic

I walked again, in spite of you

Rebuilt the faith, squandered at your altar

Carved out paths, fresh and new

Thank you, for the lessons and the deep scar

India had already got off to a flying start while I was showering after back to back Cult Fit classes. I had already missed the toss and first five overs of the much awaited match.

I was hoping that Sanju Samson would open for India as he was in sublime form. But I was glad he actually did. He was out and busy hitting while I was burning some calories.

Laughing at Oneself

What I love about this man is that he can laugh at his own bad luck or lost opportunities while maintaining his grace.

He might be put in the cutie bucket but he is definitely not a hottie like Virat Kohli. In spite of the oomph gap he now has the highest score in an Indian T20 chase.

Sanju sees himself as more of a team player in spite of his superb knocks and doesn’t craft grand stories about his recent feats. He carries himself with a sense of lightness that is hard to conceive.

When a reporter asked him about two missed centuries after the England game, he cheekily said — “I have not missed two centuries. The fact that I got 97 and 89 is a big deal. And I’m grateful for that.” (paraphrased from his Hindi statements). This statement of his made him an endearing sportsperson in my books.

Sometimes I believe that T20 has turned batsmen into circus monkeys as they get into weird positions to hit the ball. But Sanju is one of the exceptions where he preserves the aesthetic beauty of batting and sticks to proper cricketing shots.

He might have played differently during past matches. But it is a treat to the eyes when he sticks to gentlemen’s way of batting and doesn’t resort to street cricket brand of batting.

The last time I felt something like this for a cricketer was in 2010 when Rahul Dravid was hitting his big knocks against Australia.

Waiting for his Turn

But what truly touched my heart was his reaction to the presenter while receiving his “Player of the Tournament” award. He said something to that effect that he felt like his dream was shattered after New Zealand series but he continued to dream. “Out of words, out of emotions, I’m just going through it. So, it feels a bit surreal”, he said.

The man recalled how he could not play a match in 2024 world cup. “I kept on visualising, I kept on dreaming, I kept on working,” he says.

“I was courageous enough to dream about it”, was the line that hit me.

He speaks with a sense of earnestness that is hard to manufacture or instill in someone who has waited for his turn for so long. If you watch this story close enough, you will definitely realise that this is the defining story popping out of this world cup.

Of course, nobody can deny that Bumrah is our national treasure.

Cheers!

The State of Affairs

Not much is happening in the Indian tech and startup ecosystem these days when compared to the boom between 2020-2022. But recently, something in the news cycle caught my attention. The central government launched an app called “Bharat Taxi”.

Uber and Ola are classic marketplace platforms which absorbed massive losses for almost a decade before they could create a system good enough to inspire a debate on economics of buying a car vs depending on autos, taxis and bikes.

Rapido entered the market and destroyed the duopoly by introducing the “bike taxi”. Subscription driven SaaS play by Rapido and Namma Yatri further killed 30% cuts from the Uber-Ola duopoly.

Platforms like InDrive introduced the negotiation and price discovery model. It’s more of a drag in my opinion, given the lack of “revolution” that was expected to bring about.

The landscape of ride hailing platforms before entry of Bharat Taxi looked like this (based on data between 2023 and 2025).

Us vs Them

But the platforms have optimised for users rather than drivers, and later further moved in the direction of optimising for profits over both riders and drivers.

What they didn’t see coming was an alternative model i.e. a cooperative platform taking on their VC pipe dreams on monopoly/duopoly destroying their entire thesis.

The need for change has always been there. During every bike ride, I have heard drivers complaining about delayed payouts.

“Companies are running taxis for their own benefit, whereas Bharat Taxi is for the benefit of Sarathis (drivers),” Shah said.

Source

It’s important to note that Uber, Rapido and Ola succeeded because they were able to advocate for better user experience, reliability and price discovery for the passenger.

This might slightly titillate the hopes of many well-meaning users and citizens who are concerned about income inequality and anti-labour behaviour of big tech platforms.

The co-ownership model is not fiction but a reality embedded in the structure of Bharat Taxi.

Shah said that under the cooperative structure, if Bharat Taxi earns Rs 25 crore after three years, 20% of the amount would be retained as cooperative capital while 80% would be distributed among drivers based on the number of kilometres driven.
Source : ET

This is definitely an enticing deal for the driver community.

Competing Against Incumbents

But one must note that Uber, Rapido and Ola are mature platforms that have established user trust, learnt from data and built systems to address many problems linked to mobility space.

For Bharat Taxi to succeed it needs to perform as good as its competitors on passenger satisfaction while simultaneously improving driver incomes and experience.

One needs to benchmark or evaluate Bharat Taxi experience for users on two important axes to make any reasonable guesses about its potential for success.

• Price

• Safety

Price

On the price front, Bharat Taxi seemed to be more expensive than Uber-like alternatives. But we are not sure how the overall spend of a consumer would look like. Incumbents are notoriously good at offering a cheaper first ride and then charging more for the return ride.

The price models that Uber has built with almost a decade of consumer data would be miles ahead of Bharat Taxi. In addition subscription products like Uber One and better brand recall for older apps could trump Bharat Taxi.

The “no surge” promise on part of Bharat Taxi could prove to be useful. Generally a user would have multiple apps on their phone. I have seen a friend comparing prices on InDrive, Uber, Ola and Rapido before making a choice. We have enough time to research which service would cost the least and pick exactly that.

If capital were to be a deciding factor in the fight for market share, incumbents would have deep pockets and the Bharat Taxi would have to rely on the “ownership” promise to clog the supply side in this fight.

But cost for passengers, I feel is the “driving” factor in adoption and sustenance of an urban transport marketplace. The volume of bike rides in comparison to auto and cabs is a definite indicator of price sensitivity of the Indian consumer.

Earnings and ownership dreams of drivers would be punched down by the passenger preferences and ride volumes on Bharat Taxi in comparison to other established platforms.

When I took a short ride on Bharat Taxi last week, I asked the bike driver if he got enough rides on the app. He mentioned that it was kinda low given that it’s new player in the market.

Safety

Will the “owner” mentality of the driving community have any downside on the safety aspect? Hopefully not.

Current players have had to bear the brunt of multiple instances of negative media due to safety concerns. But the brand itself has not taken a devastating hit on this front.

Services like Uber, Ola and Rapido have almost become an essential commodity for many urban commuters. The negative perception on the safety front often tilts towards the drivers and not inadequate systems built by the ride hailing platform.

The same scenario applies to Bharat Taxi as well. But consumer trust is likely to fall only if the user feels that the new option is far worse than incumbents on the safety front.

One must note that Bharat Taxi has more or less the same safety features as current players on its app. I am sure they would have studied the product and executed something similar.

The limiting factor in passenger safety is not really the app or its features but the driver’s themselves.

Predictions

I am not a qualified industry expert. But from a user’s perspective I don’t see any significant differentiating factor between Bharat Taxi and other players.

Also, my predictions are based on the assumption that Bharat Taxi or unions don’t stop or discourage drivers from multiple platforms in future.

Bharat Taxi has space to manoeuvre if it can drastically shake up the supply side for its competitors, i.e. driver and vehicle availability. If it does so by seeking more money from passengers, it is bound to fail.

Given the delicate balance required for growth, I don’t see Bharat Taxi capturing more than 10-20% in the near term (say 2-3 years). The promise of equity and profit share is a long term game which majority of drivers may not be ready to play.

The drivers, especially bike taxi drivers would be happier if they get more rides. The platform doesn’t matter much for them as long as they are able to earn decent money.

The most natural thing as well. But still it feels so hard.

Turning a page is actually an act of hope, optimism and courage.

What am I talking about? Why would I make such a random comment?

Imagine you are a reader in the middle of a book.

What if the current page is way too interesting? What if the story ends in a way you don’t like? What if the current page is so devastating that you fear what’s coming next?

In spite of all these apprehensions, a reader turns the page. He or she moves on and reaches the end of the story.

And finally, there is closure.

Would you ever appreciate a reader who gets stuck on the same page (or set of pages) and keeps reading again and again.

At least you can empathise with a reader who drops a book and never touches it again.

That choice is for the reader to make.

And it is a decisive choice.

And then you have readers who pick up abandoned books and then finish it in a flurry.

Even that is a choice that deserves approval.

Of course you have readers who never pick a book or pass the chance to read a particular book.

But you have to do something other than being stuck on the same page (or set of pages).

Why does this seem like such an urgent idea that I found very important to type in a fit of excitement, almost with a ‘Eureka!’ state of mind?

I have been stuck in a cycle of waking up late, skipping breakfast and indulging in habits that I wish I had not started. I was stuck in a same loop for almost 4 months. Sure, I inserted several habits that I do feel good about.

But the bookends have been patterns that I want to quit. It was like being stuck on the same page.

For a change I woke up early, made breakfast and cleaned my dirty car. I made it to office much earlier than usual and managed to read for almost two hours in a go. I spent two hours learning a new skill that would be super useful for my career.

I felt that I had finally ‘turned the page’ and moved on to the next one.

The previous post I wrote made me feel that I was stuck on the same set of pages.

I was obsessed with a few pages that I didn’t like. Instead of moving ahead and writing the next few pages of my story I had been overanalysing pages from the past. It’s not worth such over-analysis.

But maybe my ego was smashed.

How the hell did I write these pages? Was it me who wrote these pages?

What was I thinking? Seriously? Is this what I am capable of?

This loop of thoughts kept me chained to the same set of pages.

It feels like such a relief to turn the page.

Patience. It is supposed to be the greatest asset which I think I posses.

But like wave-particle duality of light, I seem to be super-impatient as well. It is hard to stop myself and find out which version of me is active at any given point of time.

Some of the best books I read took almost a year to finish. I had to keep it aside and patiently read ten or twenty pages a day. But I never quit.

I have thrown a Booker winning book to the dustbin because it was gifted by my ex. And there are abandoned books I never touched.

But the greatest joy, satisfaction and sense of achievement came from the books that took a year to read.

Probably, I need to cut myself some slack and allow myself to write a long, slow, hard to read, but meaningful story for myself.

But even in this scenario one needs to turn the page.

There is no choice but to turn the page. Or one has to abandon the book.

I get it. Me being a man is probably a crime in itself in the eyes of a progressive feminist. Men have been unfair or even criminal towards the other gender in several instances of history.

But my whole idea of romantic heterosexual love came crashing down on earth after I watched the TV Show Breaking Bad.

A man with lung cancer tries to leave a fortune for his family by turning into a drug manufacturer. And his wife cheats on him with her boss, possibly trying to secure her future even before her hubby dies.

The poor fellow continues to take risks to leave a fortune for his family and prevent financial burden on his wife even after knowing about his wife’s infidelity. It is a soul crushing story that’s not very far from reality.

A Bad Rap Sheet

Everything nice I’ve done in my dating life was probably just the “bare minimum”. I don’t remember experiencing an iota of fairness, kindness or gratefulness from the opposite gender. Even if there was something nice done by the other person I feel it was just a strategic move to get something more in return.

If you open Hinge and see the answers to prompts these days, you find some common themes which women seem to want from a partner

• Travel the world

• Watch Northern Lights

• Want honesty and clarity

• Explore cafes, restaurants and museums

• Go on a long drive

• Getaway to the mountains or beaches

• People watching

Apart from the third option nothing really leads to a reasonably healthy relationship. What happened to building a family, supporting each other’s dreams and being there for each other during hard times.

Of course, those things are premature at the early dating stage. But honestly, there seems to be a lack of imagination or originality among women.

Come on! Can’t you think beyond a man’s height or your world tour plans?

The Reign of Fluff

On the other hand a man has to be earning, look good, have a dog or cat, be funny, caring, cook, drive and do so many other things. Nothing short of perfection.

Of course it’s probably a supply vs demand issue. But if the supply side is full of fluff and superficial things, I guess the entire market is doomed.

Though I don’t want to reduce the idea of love to an analytical excel sheet, I did list out all of my romantic pursuits. Almost seventeen of them. The pattern seemed so obvious.

In none of those potential relationships was I poised to get something to meet my own emotional needs, let alone physical intimacy or commitment.

That’s the story even after I allowed myself to compromise on essential needs and showed affection with no expectations of reciprocation. This made me realise the absurdity of grieving over any of those failed relationships.

Let us pause and admit that I might be terrible at selecting a good candidate for dating. Probably I’m defined by childhood wounds that pushes me into the same pattern. It’s true to some extent, but I am happy to report that I’m actively addressing my own bad habits.

As far as I am concerned, I feel that my energy, creativity and potential are better invested in my career or interests. I have absolutely lost interest in the idea of wooing a woman and building a happy family in this environment.

Happy to be Surprised

One of my role models Steve Jobs once said — “People don’t know what they want until you show it to them”. Maybe I am one of those people. Maybe our entire generation is full of such people.

Hopefully, I will look at this post and laugh someday while lying on the lap of my beloved.

Some day.

I was trying to figure out the role of chemistry in the whole universe of happiness discourse. Two key players in this game are dopamine and serotonin.

Dopamine: Drives wanting, motivation, pursuit, and learning from rewards.

Serotonin: Regulates mood stability, emotional security, and well-being.

Source : ChatGPT

Doubling Down on Dopamine

In my own experience, I have been chasing dopamine in various healthy and unhealthy ways. It is high time I stick to a better and sustainable routine and discipline to manage these two chemicals.

Of course, I am aware of how these chemicals are impacting me and sometimes I spin off. I have been unable to sleep before 12 AM and wake up before 6 AM consistently for almost three months. In spite of this, I seem to be doing OK at work and have finished a full marathon as well.

Beyond the regular debate of which of these chemicals need to be allowed to take centre stage and dance, one must also look into the quality of these chemicals.

Apparently there’s something called “good dopamine” and “bad dopamine”. Unfortunately, I have been sourcing bad dopamine from dealers called nicotine, Netflix and Instagram.

A Slippery Slope

I have not worked out for two consecutive days and have binge watched a Netflix show. Simultaneously, I have also consumed a good amount of sugar and nicotine.

This can be blamed on other supporting actors called cortisol and oxytocin. There seems to be an abundance of the former and shortage of the former.

Workouts, running and reading have helped from falling of the ledge. But sometimes, it is hard to keep up. Even a minor slide away from these good dopamine vendors can push me into the embrace of bad dopamine dealers.

Dearth of Oxytocin

Blaming the universe for not providing me healthy sources of oxytocin can be a counterproductive exercise. But that problem has to be dealt with by a wide range of measures.

I have cycled through almost half a dozen failed talking stages and felt hope and connection a couple of times. It almost felt like I had found what I wanted before I checked out.

Documenting these feelings, thoughts and observations has massively improved my understanding of what I want and don’t want. Trusting this process is very important to keep the ship afloat.

Final Thoughts

Thinking of my own well-being in terms of simple chemical reactions has helped alleviate the anxiety of being on my own while simultaneously craving for success, good health and connection.

It is so important to not lose sanity, else the consequences are going to be very bad.

The Mumbai vibe was totally different from runs in Delhi. I never saw this level of public participation and enthusiasm, possibly because Delhi’s official runs happen in the central part of Delhi which mostly has residences of politicians and government offices.

The Prep

On a random afternoon, I was scrolling social media and thinking about random things. I registered for the New Delhi Marathon and subscribed to a marathon training plan on Runna.

But on another day, I wondered that if I am training for a full marathon, then the first one should be iconic. That thought came up after seeing Instagram reels about Tata Mumbai Marathon.

Let us pause and acknowledge that doomscrolling can also benefit a person based on their mindset. I get a lot of book and movie recommendations and maybe, my feed has been optimised for serendipitous discovery.

Though Runna gave a comprehensive plan, I believe that I completed only 75% of it.

If I had done 100% my timing and physique would have been far better. But anything more than 0% still means progress. And I saw this progress turn into reality after three months.

The goldmine discovered during this process was zone 2 running. Maybe I should have discovered it much earlier. But the counter-intuitive truth is that you need to run slower more often to run faster. Ideally 80% of the mileage should be in zone 2.

Delhi’s toxic air and brutal winter did pose challenges. For an entire week, my training halted as I was not sure about training on a treadmill. But I took the leap and made a shift. The stats shown to me were kinda wrong because the watch and treadmill measure vital stats on pace and distance differently.

During the last couple of weeks I was very concerned about the variation in stats and the reality of training fatigue. But I am glad that I didn’t give it more importance than the desire to show up and finish the full marathon.

Logistics

One can assume that a person should either be crazy or passionate to book flight tickets to just run a marathon. But I had already made a decision and it had to be followed through.

That is another skill that I wanted to work on via this Marathon dream. To stay put and see through all ideas till completion. So, I managed to figure out all the logistics including booking a room and finding transport on race day.

There were no rooms for a decent price near CST railway station, so I found Zostel rooms in Andheri. I had planned to get a cab on race day. But thankfully, the new metro in Mumbai had a direct line from Marol Naka to CST. This was like an icing on the cake.

Travelling in a metro at 3.30 AM full of marathon runners is an experience that always makes me feel great. The vibes and shared goal make it a borderline emotional experience. I reached the venue at 4.45AM and found myself in the holding area for the last wave.

Surprisingly there were many people older than me who were running the marathon. So here was a model for me to dream of. That I would still be fit enough to run 42K at the age of 60.

The chances of finding highly motivated people drastically increases when you decide to take up a big challenge. The marathon was no different.

The Marathon

It was a hilarious start when I felt the need to pee after the second kilometre and lost time waiting for a chance near the toilet. Apparently some guy wanted to take a dump and I gave up the wait after 3 minutes (approx). That was my slowest split.

I did take a pee after the fifth kilometre I guess. And may be one more later. Keeping myself hydrated was on top of my mind.

The other key learning was nipple chafing. I did buy some nipple pasties which were not meant for men. I have no clue when they fell off.

But I did cool my nipples whenever I found ice or wet sponges on the path. Some dude stopped and showed me some tight fitting shirt he had worn inside. I need to try that.

The last important point (which annoyed me) that my watch indicated that I had covered 42.2km near the official mark which showed 41km.

If step count was taken into account, I have covered 43km during TMM. This was obvious because I went sidewise several times while trying to navigate my way in the crowd. Probably that is inevitable in a run that has thousands of people alongside you.

That said, a deep dive into my splits makes me very happy.

My longest run in the past was 32km. This is clearly the reason for my falling pace after 32 km. All said and done, it was truly a herculean effort. That said my 30km record improved significantly (~ 34 minutes).

Another point to be happy about is regarding aerobic efficiency. The average heart rate for the marathon was 149 BPM. The max heart rate was 164 BPM. This could have been pushed up, but the limiting factor must have been my ankle and knee strength which needs more attention.

But, I have more faith in my ability to listen to my body and calibrate. As the image above explains, it was truly a historic run. It is a solid stamp of approval on my ability to envision a dream and strive to achieve it in spite of the odds.

It didn’t have such an impact until it got associated with a person, a moment and the strongest emotion known to me. Ever since that happened, I have often returned to this song.

As it always happens, I reach a moment when I have to write about these thoughts. Sometimes, it dissipates after I write. But this one is unlikely to.

I remember subscribing to Youtube Music just for this rendition of the song which was not available on Spotify or Apple at that point of time.

But that was much before the event which sealed my relationship to this song.

I go back to it for inspiration, reassurance and the strength to digest it all. More than that, I seek the wherewithal to match my words with actions no matter how hard it seems.

It is also coincidental and apt that I am writing this from a place called Saket, in Delhi (which is literally the Sanskrit name for Ayodhya).

At this point I lost my chain of thought. I wanted to understand the line by line translation of the song. I knew where to find it. On Suja’s Music blog. I don’t have to reproduce it here.

If that be the case, what else do I have to say about it?

Suja says that she gets beautiful memories of Rama Navami when she listens to it.

Thankfully for me, unlike Scrooge’s Ghost, my Ghost only shows me warm and wonderful memories of Ramanavami. From its annals of collective memory, it shows me the joy of Lord Rama’s birth and from my own personal memory, it shows me the joys of celebrations past.

I say that I get bittersweet memories of Diwali. I wonder if I should reopen the most beautiful memories which were later besmirched by the hand of fate.

I would rather not. But I am unable to erase it either.

Whom should I be blaming? My tendency to romanticise absurd events because I don’t have a better memory to romanticise? Or is the curse of fate, that keeps me locked back in time.

Sure, it has always been my intention to be a man of my words. And do difficult things in spite of challenges to keep up with my promises. But is it even worth it? What has been gained and what has been lost.

I keep the tally everyday. The numbers are very clear.

A lot has been gained and very little has been lost.

But the memory remains and its value doesn’t diminish every by a decimal point. The contradiction of this thought is frustrating and fascinating in equal measure.

It seems that I landed on lines that aptly describe this scenario in an unexpected place. In a Bollywood movie song that picked them from a poem by Sahir Ludhianvi.

नाज़-ओ-अंदाज़ से कहते हैं कि जीना होगा,
ज़हर भी देते हैं तो कहते हैं कि पीना होगा
They say—full of pride and playful airs—“You must go on living.”
Even when they hand me poison, they insist, “You must drink it.”

जब मैं पीता हूँ तो कहतें है कि मरता भी नहीं,
जब मैं मरता हूँ तो कहते हैं कि जीना होगा
When I drink it, they sneer, “Look—he doesn’t even die.”
And when I do die, they say again, “You must go on living.”

ये इश्क़ इश्क़ है इश्क़ इश्क़, ये इश्क़ इश्क़ है इश्क़ इश्क़
This is love—love. Love—love.
This is love—love. Love—love.

There is no choice but to live with this contradiction.

To live with this and many more contradictions. And try to be what I seek to become in spite of the limitations placed on me by myself.

And to be more like Rama, the one described as “सङ्ग्राम जित”, the victor of battles.

After seven months I think I can meaningfully comment on the product proposition with a bit more clarity.

The Moment of Hiring

I would like to go back to the “moment of hiring”, as explained by Clayton Christensen in his book Competing with Luck. It seemed like a great idea to get access to some cool features like maps, recovery tracking, cool icons and “AI powered insights”.

To be honest I never used any of these features over the last few months. But I still feel the Strava subscription is worth it because of other normal features which kept me on track.

What Worked

What really worked was quite simple and had nothing to do with AI. Strava covers all gaps that are missed by Apple Watch and makes the user experience great with good design. It scores high on these parameters.

• Community (a platform that unites both Android and iOS users)

Every time you get a kudos for a run or workout from a stranger, you feel good however tiny it might be. It’s as good as the dopamine hit from an Instagram like.

People are now saying that Strava is the Instagram for 30+ people. Haha.

• Badges (especially the monthly badges, activity milestones)

Clicking on a monthly 100km target and earning that badge, (in spite of being a virtual badge) feels like an achievement. It truly helps you feel that you’re kinda moving towards some goal.

Of course, even Apple Watch offers the same, but the badges are hidden somewhere deep in the UI.

Strava brings these motivating stats/goals a level up. Branding it as a “trophy case” makes it more accessible and occupies a larger space in the minds of the users.

• Metrics and goal setting (Training Zones and Weekly goals)

The product encourages you to setup weekly activity goals and it’s right on top of the home screen. This reminds you how many activities you’ve finished and gives you an opportunity to catchup if you’re lazy.

I am surprised why Apple’s Activity UI doesn’t have this easy and basic feature. It was a clear miss on Apple’s end.

• Fitness metrics, analytics and predictions (it accurately predicted my Half Marathon time)

I am unsure how the fitness score is computed, but it is a black hole metric that keeps you going. I hit the highest score of 76 few weeks back and now I’ve dropped to 66. All thanks to the brief hiatus due to the smog in Delhi. But now I’m kinda pumped to get back to 76.

The other cool feature that caught my attention was the race predictions. There must be some simple formula to calculate all of this and recompute prediction after each workout. But, I was truly impressed when my Half Marathon time was predicted perfectly.

In addition to this, the visibility given for heart rate / zone training metrics is super useful. Even Apple Watch does give zone related data for running workouts but it is hidden deep inside and aggregate zone training data is not available on Apple’s Activity metrics.

• A yearly wrap (If Spotify does it for music, then why not?)

This story is not over. I have been checking if the “Year in Sport” stats update as I log more. It does. This is a well thought out feature as the year doesn’t truly end until it does.

This my Strava data from May 2025 to 22nd December 2025 (I will update this).

Verdict

All in all, Strava clearly addresses many gaps in health devices like Apple Watch and brings personal accountability to the centre-stage. Community likes and support are an icing on the cake.

The sexy features, though not-so-useful make sense in the context of the core fitness focused features on Strava. It’s a worthy investment all in all.

The answer to the title of this post — Strava exists to ensure you set fitness goals, follow them and feel successful via the community approval along with meaningful UI and stats that track your progress.

My Controversial Opinion

My most controversial opinion regarding cinemas is that we should ban food in the theatres or just dump all the popcorn crunchers in a single corner of the theatre and spare the rest of the population.

Because it is really annoying to hear people munching like buffalos when a serious scene is running on the scene.

The guy next to me ate almost two tubs of popcorn before intermission. During the intermission, he crunched ice-chips. After that I consciously ignored him though he kept on munching something or the other till the end.

If not for Dolby Atmos I would have probably lost my shit. The shameless ice-chips cruncher didn’t feel anything even when I gave him a disapproving stare.

Dhurandhar Title Song- A Marketing Hit

Na de dil pardesi nu, tainu nit da rona pai jaauga
Don’t give your heart to a stranger, or you’ll end up crying every day.

Naal Ranjhe te jogi de, tainu jogan hona pai jaauga
If you stay with lovers like Ranjha or wandering saints, you’ll have to become a wanderer yourself.

Main ishq de alliyan zakhma de, khud hass-hass ke moonh si laangi
I have stitched shut the deep wounds of love myself, laughing through the pain.

Je yaar mera mainu zahar, zahar, zahar, zahar—
If my beloved gives me poison, poison, poison—

One must ask why the first few lines of the song are no way related to the spy movie in any way. It just a warning sign regarding matters of the heart. And it instantly connects.

Since I didn’t know Punjabi, I ignored it for a few days. But the vitality of this song eventually made me Google it. And I was like — BANG ON!

The marketing genius of this song is underrated. It instantly connects and makes people listen to remaining part of the song and eventually decide to watch the movie.

Roping in Hanumankind for this song was another great call as he has made waves in recent times. This was an easy way to gain traction on Spotify and social media.

The song single handedly takes care of a top of the funnel which eventually converts listeners into movie consumers.

The Political Controversy

The movie has several political effects in the domestic and international stage.

Dhurandhar has been banned by countries in the Gulf regions as they thought it would be considered anti-Pakistan. This underlines the soft power of Bollywood and art to influence an international audience on an important matter like terrorism.

One needs to wonder if Gulf nations are friends of India or not. Their stance on terrorism has always been ambivalent at best. Banning a movie to help a terrorist nation save face is not a small move in that context.

On the other hand, left-leaning voices have branded the movie as a pro-government propaganda movie as some of the dialogues carry political power. While this might be true, we still have freedom of speech in this country.

The long and complicated disclaimer asking the viewers to apply their wisdom while consuming the movie should be a good enough way to counteract any negative socio-political impact.

One can also argue that smoking disclaimers never worked and they do influence people to consuming tobacco products by making it look cool. That topic should be taken up with more seriousness.

Yay or Nay?

Generally, I try to stay away from mass-hits as long as possible, but the title song got me into the theatre. The story-line, quality of acting and realistic portrayal of events made me stay till the end. I might have missed some indicators regarding the sequel as I left as soon as the credits started rolling in.

I made the blunder of scrolling through the Wiki page of the movie while trying to ascertain whether my time and money were worth the investment. I read a key plot twist while scanning the page.

In spite of my faux pas I was able to enjoy the movie as the process of reaching that key plot point was long winding and layered.

I don’t want to get into specific actors’ performance, the plot or technical aspects. But I felt every key role was well-projected by actors. It felt realistic, though one can’t certify with full confidence (as we have never met terrorists, agents or politicians from such a close distance).

The movie does offer masala, humour, love story, dance and violence without losing the focus on political rivalries amongst key players. Though it was a long movie, it keeps you hooked. I wish the last fighting scene could have been cut short.

Dhurandhar is a great watch.

Even if it is a propaganda movie, as labeled by few, it is a successful one. We must note that a plausible propaganda movie about the current Prime Minister was a flop (as mentioned by a panelist on a news channel).

You should watch Dhurandhar in a theatre if you can.

Also, I hope that nobody crunches popcorn like a buffalo when you’re watching the movie.

The World is Burning

As an individual, one can’t be concerned about everything in the world. It’s impossible to understand all burning political or social issues and have an intelligent viewpoint on it. But we can make an honest attempt whenever possible.

The Palestine conflict which caught global headlines since October 2024 was one of those issues where I couldn’t really understand why things had to be so bad.

On one hand nobody can justify the murder of children, bombing of schools, destruction of hospitals. But the attacking side cited that their aim was to end terrorism, which made no sense.

The alternative model for fighting terrorism is visible in the Indian Army’s approach of not hurting any civilians in their targeted attacks.

Even then, I was unsure what impact common citizens could have in ending the conflict or ensuring peace in Palestine. Does the Instagram activity on part of a Delhi resident have any impact?

In fact, even the Indian government and the entire United Nations have been incapable of doing anything. I felt that the people suffering over there and other humanitarian organisations had no hope.

Though I don’t want to get into the solution for this entire conflict, a two-state solution seems to be ideal. But all these scattered opinions gained a new dimension when I attended an event suggest by my friend who’s a passionate supporter of the Palestinian cause.

The Ambassador and the Refugee Camp

One can see lot of content related to the Palestine issue on the internet. But it is quite a different experience when you hear the story from the horse’s mouth. I didn’t expect the Palestinian Ambassador to be at the event in support of Palestine.

I was kinda impressed to know that he had managed to make something of himself in spite of growing up in a refuge camp where he survived on rations from United Nations.

He indicated that the world should recognise the colonial nature of the occupation of Palestine and understand that their rights had been violated by the infamous Balfour Declaration. To give away their land without their consent was a basic violation of their rights.

The Ambassador used a term that I had never heard before. “Khazarian Jew”. He said that the people who claim Israel were not the original Jews of the land but converted Jews who were not originally from present-day Israel. I’m surprised that mainstream media has never mentioned this, though I am unsure what political and legal ramifications this would have on the issue.

In addition to this, he said that the terrorist attack on October 7 was not well-investigated and there was a possibility of this being a false flag attack to justify military action on the people of Palestine.

Colonialism and Communalism

There were several pro-Palestine people in the list of performers. They read their poems, snippets and explained why they support the Palestinian people.

One of the key arguments was that India, a nation which had fought colonialism and emerged as an independent nation could never abandon another nation fighting the same struggle. This makes sense as India had always supported Palestinian people in the past.

The pattern of dividing people on communal lines to benefit from the conflict had already been seen in pre-independence India. The same modus operandi was deployed in the middle-east to control oil resources. This has been quite obvious, especially after the infamous Joe Biden clip that went viral last year.

But social divisions do exist. Managing them within the precincts of a democratic constitution should serve as a bulwark against colonial power-play.

It is therefore important to understand the obvious, though I’m unclear how individuals can fight colonial powers at a global level.

Swara Bhaskar’s Travel Experience

The actress Swara Bhaskar shared pictures from her visit to Palestine couple of decades ago and recalled that it was a vibrant place in spite of restrictions on all sides. She said that the people who lived there thrived in spite of being in an “open-air prison”.

The media reports might paint different kinds of pictures but hearing the human stories of individuals puts things in perspective.

I don’t understand how these things continue even in the 21st century. But surely, we must ignore the loud TV anchors, manipulated social media and go back to the ground level. Talking to real people and knowing their story could be a much better way to understand the world.

What Next?

As a citizen, I am still skeptical about my voice having any significant impact on a global issue. But at least now, I understand some critical perspectives and implications of the Palestinian issue.

I can understand that social media campaigns can put pressure on governments. But I believe it has little impact on games played by big powers and don’t see that as a viable long term solution.

The proceeds of the event were being donated to a child requiring expensive treatment. Maybe, helping the victims of bombings with donations could be a starting point.

Major change and progress often starts with understanding and awareness. Our understanding of Palestinian conflict is kinda muddled given the nature of media and propaganda. Hopefully, a better awareness about the Palestinian struggle could eventually impact politics, policy and generate global pressure to do the right thing.

Several thoughts emerged as I drove through the frustrating Delhi traffic. It’s kinda interesting because the Tamil word ‘Alaiyapayuthey’ means “waves are flowing/hitting”.

Devotion and Love

Is it right to use a devotional song in a romantic context? It may sound a bit puritanical in a sense. But this is as devotional as one can get in life. The emotion of love is probably the strongest and hardest to handle.

The amount of turbulence that it brings can only be compensated by the steady devotion and patience that one has for god.

This thought has often ruined me but with every iteration of the destruction my faith in it only keeps increasing. Maybe someone worthy of this devotion will turn up. The lyrics of this song is worth examining.

I refer to my favourite music blog Music To My Ears for the most authentic and well-thought translations. The only value I add by reproducing the author’s words is a bit of editing that helps better readability.

Pallavi

alai pAyudE kaNNA en manam migha alai pAyudE
un Ananda mOhana vEnugAnamadil

My mind is as restless as the waves in an ocean as I listen to the happy, bewitching sound of the flute you play.

Anupallavi

nilai peyarAdu shilai pOlavE ninra
nEramAvadariyAmalE migha vinOdamAna muralIdharA en manam (alai)

I stand transfixed like a statue, unaware of even of the passage of time, oh my mysterious flautist!

CaraNam

teLinda nilavu paTTappaghal pOl eriyudE un dikkai nOkki enniru puruvam neriyudE

The moon is clear and shines as bright as the day. I seek you, my brows drawn.

kaninda un vENugAnam kATril varugudE kaNgaL shorugi oru vidham varugudE

The breeze brings in the sound of your mellow flute music and my eyes close involuntarily in ecstasy.

Madhyama kaalam

kaditta manattil urutti padattai enakku aLittu magizhtta vA oru tanitta vanattil aNaittu enakku uNarcci

Come, bless me with your feet and melt my heavy heart, filling me with happiness! Come, embrace me in a lonely grove and make me flower with sensations!

koDuTTu mugizhtta vA kalai kaDal alaiyinil kadiravan oLiyena iNaiyiru kazhal-enakkaLittavA

Come to the waves of the roaring ocean and give me your two feet which are equal to the light of the sun.

kadari manamuruga nAn azhaikkavO idara mAdaruDan nI kaLikkavO idu taghumO idu muraiyO

While I call out for you in despair, are you frolicking with other women?

idu dharumam tAnO kuzhal UdiDum pozhudu AdiDum kuzhaigaL pOlavE manadu vEdanai mighavODu

Is this right? Is it fair? Like your ear-ornaments lurch when you play the flute, so too my mind lurches in grief.

The Movie

I remember watching the movie ‘Alaiyapayuthey’ and it is one of the best works of the famed director Maniratnam.

Though I would not give out any spoilers, I must say that the movie has artistic taste.

It shows that the fleeting emotion of love has to go through so much effort and tribulations to reach fruition. The characters demonstrate that love is so messy and chaotic, but if you can stick around and endure, it is probably worth it.

They falter and hurt each other, but eventually they come around.

Sometimes, I feel frustrated to know that this long winding drama. I often check out and say goodbye to too much drama.

But it turns out that people love it. Am I not people?

When I revisit the plot of this movie, I often wonder whether I lacked patience and devotion that this enterprise requires. I don’t know. One can’t award certificates to oneself.

But I highly recommend this movie.

Ciao.

People never change, but I will
‘cause I never give a fuck, that I’ll never be enough
I have washed away, my sins
So I never gotta face, consequences, consequences

People so afraid, they’re mindless
They don’t wanna see you learn
They just wanna see you burn
They don’t wanna see the world turn

Lyrics of the song People Never Change, by PeterCat Recording Co

Aamir Khan tried to imitate Tom Hanks in Saving Private Ryan when he made a 200 crore-budget movie Laal Singh Chadda. Apparently the movie was a commercial flop and Aamir admitted that he was overconfident.

Though one can’t compare political phenomena to a flop cinema, one can clearly see that overconfidence can sometimes disappoint even the sharpest minds.

A cinematic election season has concluded recently in the state of Bihar, where Prashant Kishor’s Jan Suraj Party got a big zero in spite of massive buzz and progressive agenda.

Prashant was quite right when he said that no individual could change Bihar unless people of Bihar chose to change. And he claimed that the response to his padyatra and rallies was a strong indicator of change.

The outcome shows that the people of Bihar said “no thanks” to his efforts and indirectly said that they don’t want to change (at least for now).

Having spent considerable amount of time following this entertaining, but critical election for one of the poorest states in India, I felt like sharing a few thoughts.

Future of Children vs ₹ 10,000

People of Bihar were not unaware of Prashant’s pitch to vote for their children’s future rather than caste or freebies. Political Pundits often say that the electorate is wise and their decision is often wise.

Of course, they can be gaslighted at times. But after twenty years of having the same establishment (with brief break of one or two years), they chose the same set of leaders who had failed on key areas like education and jobs.

In a state where the bare minimum (like electricity, law and order and roads) was being seen as an achievement, the electorate failed to take a ‘leap of faith’ ( a phrase used by Prashant Kishor during his interviews).

TV anchors say that the ‘mahila’ voter gave a thumbs up to the good work done by Nitish Kumar. But don’t they see the value in improving education and creation of jobs through credit disbursal (as proposed by Prashant Kishor)?

The claim that ‘democracy delivers’ and ‘voter is wise’ has been reduced to rubble. A ₹10,000 cash transfer seems to have swayed a large chunk of women voters.

In addition, the Jan Suraj Party leaders claim that a loan from the World Bank was rerouted to fund this scheme. Even if this proven to be true, the election outcome can’t be reversed.

One wonders if ₹10,000 is the price at which a common voter (a large chunk if not all) can be persuaded to sell their future (and by extension their state’s future).

In spite of this pathetic state of affairs, people can also claim that the funds given to these women would spur economic activity, though one doesn’t know how to measure the outcome.

An Out-of-Touch-Opposition

The opposition’s big idea to sway votes is funny and delusional.

A government job for every family?

Did they use common sense before arriving at this decision? Even a lay man can understand that every family can’t get a government job in any state of India.

It seems that the leader of opposition lacked the intellectual heft to craft an idea good enough to capture the imagination of voters.

Though it seems easy to comment, shirking off the historical albatross over the neck i.e. ‘Jungle Raj’ would have required a rebranding exercise by the key opposition party RJD.

Lack of forethought and imagination compounded in ways that no pollster would have predicted.

One can understand the importance of electoral malpractices like ‘Vote Chori’ can muddy the democratic process. But does merely screaming about this issue mean anything substantial to a voter?

The common man would look for some positive agenda as well. Even if people did vote on this matter, the opposition didn’t have any concrete solutions to end ‘Vote Chori’.

The opposition which could have been an alternative in the election turned out to be a lazy bunch of parties which had very little imagination or ability to turn the tide.

A Cruel Joke

Even if you set aside these issues, one can see that the vote shares of all major parties hasn’t changed much. These are ossified vote banks as Shekhar Gupta puts it. The better social/political alliance managed to secure votes.

One would wish that the people of the poorest state of Bihar would take a quantum leap to improve their lives by voting for a better brand of politics. But, then the results seem to be a cruel joke on the calibre of the electorate.

After documenting these rather gloomy thoughts, I get back to the song that I quoted in the beginning. Maybe, you should also listen to it.

“Every time someone steps up and says who they really are, the world becomes a better, more interesting place.”

Captain Holt

In my previous post I made a very short reference to Brooklyn 99 and remarked that there was no need to analyse it.

I have quickly reached the middle of the fifth season and I’ve been unable to stop my analytical side.

Binging

Before I get into it I wanted to share a few thoughts about the whole idea of binge-watching as a form of “leisure”. The fact that humans are unable to sit quiet and do nothing has manufactured the need for leisure (duh!).

Running, gossip, writing, reading, watching videos or movies are common outlets. But binge-watching is the new kid in town (relatively speaking).

It’s the digital version of smoking in many ways.

I’ve not indulged in binging “Brooklyn 99”. I’ve seen 4-5 episodes at a stretch sometimes. Not sure if that counts as binging.

In spite of this, I can see why these shows are able to fulfil our hunger for stories or rather the need to not sit quietly and do nothing.

Binge-worthy shows have a few common traits.

• Characters with relatable insecurities or quirks

• A gripping plot with cliffhangers at the end of each season or episode

• Some element of fighting for justice/good

This might seem basic or obvious, but still this had to be called out. The first point is quite important because I can see how closely I root for a character with similar insecurities or flaws (both in books and TV shows).

Captain Holt and Amy Santiago

Captain Holt is by far the best conceived character. He represents everything that a progressive and erudite man should stand for. He is a leader who’s just and competent. He is a nerdy bastard, but still has flaws that are out of his control.

In spite of being anal about rules and principles, he knows when to break them.

Being gay erects barriers to a smooth public life. But he endures all the trouble with dignity and knows when to “pick battles”.

His difficulties with forming bonds with his mom and suppressing emotions in public are definitely tied to each other. It’s a defence mechanism.

All of this makes him stick to a rule book, which is a good way to keep fickle emotions at bay and control the narrative.

A stickler for rules has to apply them to himself before he can justify that approach to others. This comes across strongly when he sabotages his interview for the commissioner’s job.

Amy Santiago is the mirror image of Holt in many ways. She too has tried to arm herself with knowledge and adherence to rules.

Her binders and adherence to etiquette are ways to compensate for her deep insecurities. Her hidden personas that pop out while she gets drunk.

It’s quite obvious that she would choose Captain Holt as her mentor.

But choosing the fun Peralta after a difficult situationship (that runs for two seasons) reveals another aspect of human nature.

We need fun and entertainment from external sources when we can’t give to ourselves.

In addition to this, her competitive nature makes her pick Peralta who doesn’t threaten her personality in any significant way.

Also, it helps to know that he’s cute and they make a “adorable” couple. Otherwise, his credit card debt and rather wonky ways of being would barely meet standards of logical selection.

[Though I would want to speak about Rosa in greater detail, I feel it would break the flow of my thoughts here. Just want to say that her abrupt breakup with the crazy Pimento was cruel and vague. It made no sense to me. ]

Sergeant Terry Jeffords and Peralta

These two are typical people pleasers. They have so many emotions and stress points in life. They cope by trying to appear as cool as possible and crave for approval.

Terry is a particularly extreme case in that sense.

Terry’s desire to throw a party for an unknown co-worker who gets pissed by an harmless joke about his own ass is just one of the many evidences of his unreasonable need for universal approval.

But Peralta’s character has more layers. His daddy issues, fear of abandonment, borderline inappropriate jokes and desire to be publicly praised as a “genius” point towards a special kind of childhood wound.

Though he disapproves his mother’s decision to take back a cheating father, he inherits her lack of self-worth. He often volunteers to be the embarrassing clown in any serious situation to bring down the temperature of the room.

His inability to express his feelings towards Amy or stand up to bullies in the prison demonstrate his lack of self-worth. The absence of any form of morality is depicted via his “friendship” with a cannibal in jail and Doug Judy.

He somehow develops a moral compass after coming out of jail. To be honest, Peralta’s policing style has the undertone of a saviour who needs to be rewarded for his smartness. You can often hear why he does what he does. But he often does it to prove himself and seek admiration.

The conscience that an accused person might be innocent comes as late as the fifth season for this character.

In spite of these flaws, both Terry and Peralta have a self-sacrificial streak that encourages them to take unreasonable risks just to prove the world that they are nice people with a kind heart.

Perfect Chemistry

Jake and Amy are a perfect pair because of the contrasting character traits. Similarly, Terry and Captain Holt are a classic work-couple of sorts because they bring contrasting personalities to the table.

The power imbalance between these two characters adds value to the plot and the enduring charm of this show.

Similarly, one can examine different characters of the show and delved into different permutations and combinations. The variety of personalities in the show is what draws the viewer into the world of 99.

But for now, I shall stop my rant and get back to chilling. Enjoy the weekend!

Note: If you have any critique about these random thoughts, feel free to add a comment.

Victoria Beckham

Together, they are greater than the sum of their parts.

~ Show narrator

This might seem like a cliché, but it is the case in all good marriages. Probably, it’s the only good reason to marry anyone. That said, the show is kinda engaging.

There are two layers of narrative overlapping over each other in this three-episode documentary.

The first layer is about the relationship and individual growth stories of Victoria and Beckham. The second layer is Victoria’s prep for an upcoming show she has planned for her label in Paris. The backstory is told along with the ongoing story of the show.

Visually pleasing and well-researched narrative shows the vulnerable side of Victoria Beckham née Victoria Caroline Adams. She happens to be one of the key members of the band Spice Girls (now disbanded).

Apparently she was richer than Beckham when they married, but her desire to reinvent herself after the end of Spice Girls led her on a different trajectory.

Her goal was to capitalise on her sense of fashion and start a label in the highly competitive space. Elusive profits and criticism from the public pose significant threats to her business. The show doesn’t delve too much into sub-par business decisions that may have caused the monetary challenges.

But, the presentation of Victoria as an attention hungry public figure and her transformation from a pop star to a sportsman’s wife to a businesswoman has been narrated well. The show is also critical of the media and public who seem to have judged her unfairly.

Victoria Beckham Holdings was valued at £100 million in 2017. Its current valuation is unclear but continues to earn revenues with the aid of capital infusion from several investors and newer products.

Somewhere, I feel Beckham did not give honest feedback or help Victoria set up a better team during the initial years of the business. Or maybe he was not skilled in the domain just like her.

But it is quite clear that Victoria did realise her business problem after a while and fixed it by onboarding a business partner who could help her.

It remains to be seen if the turnaround mentioned in the show is happening in real life as latest reports suggest that the company needed another loan of £6.2m amidst widening losses.

Overall, this documentary expanded my horizons though I’m unsure whether others would enjoy it as much as I did.

The Diplomat (Season 3)

The Diplomat is a show about a power couple facing serious relationship challenges amidst a turbulent foreign policy crisis between the United Kingdom and United States of America.

The third season carries on the saga from the second. People get promotions in the political ladder even as the foreign relations between the two nations dive further.

But the second half of season three is kinda comical as the lead character is horny and just wants to get laid. The Vice President’s wife is in an open marriage and somehow secret service and the president of her sleeping with a shady spy in the British establishment.

The Second Lady makes a very persuasive bid for physical action with a senior British cabinet member during an official party.

The President’s husband is also suspicious of his wife who now holds the top job. However, there are not strong signals to justify this claim till the very last episode.

All of this infantilises the seriousness of the top positions these characters hold. In addition, the British and Americans take big decisions based on a single man’s inputs without trying to cross check or verify from other sources.

I am not sure if foreign policy and intelligence gathering are portrayed effectively in the show. But, some of the twists and turns make in an interesting watch if not a seriously representative one.

As per expectation, the third season ends on a cliffhanger indicating that there will be another season next year.

Brooklyn 99

I've reached season 4 of this show. Honestly, it is a light hearted show full of absurdity and wry humor. I have no complaints whatsoever.

The most adorable character in my opinion is Captain Holt. Jake Peralta is a people-pleaser and an overacting wannabe, though he has his moments of courage.

The on-and-off situationship between Jake and Amy in the first two seasons has been given some sort of stability in the third and fourth seasons. If not, I would have been very disappointed with the growth and evolution of these two characters.

Of course, one does not have to analyse this show. Just enjoy it. Ciao.

One of these reels suggested that it was a stupid idea to pay for running while you can do it for free. It went viral. There were counters to the reel justifying the spend as well.

Yesterday, a conversation threw up another angle to this whole “pay, run and get a medal” debate. We ended up by concluding that the person who turned running craze into a business opportunity should be congratulated.

I have not gone out for running over the last one week, thanks to terrible air quality in Delhi. In the mean time, I have also ended up doing some research on the history of running. All of this has given me the opportunity to write about this topic.

The Boston Marathon

After experiencing the spirit and majesty of the Olympic Marathon, B.A.A. member and inaugural US Olympic Team Manager John Graham was inspired to organize and conduct a marathon in the Boston area.

A distance of 24.5 miles from Metcalf’s Mill in Ashland to the Irvington Oval in Boston was eventually selected. On April 19, 1897, John J. McDermott emerged from a 15-member starting field and captured the first B.A.A. Marathon in 2:55:10.

Source: Boston Marathon Website.

Boston Marathon was the first document running event for the public outside professional competitions. Here are some interesting factoids I learnt.

• Only 15 people participated. They did not give medals to all finishers till 1983.

• Till 1968 participants were not asked to pay money

• From 1969 to 1999 the estimated fee was between $5 to $170. That’s a huge range but the real inflation starts after this.

• Between 2000 to present day the fee has escalated to $265, thanks to higher levels of security protocols and higher demand.

The trend among all other major running events around the world has been similar. The rising costs are directly related to operational costs of the event and the running boom in recent times.

These are some data points extracted with help from Gemini.

The Running Boom in the USA and Nike

The running “boom” has been noted in many random articles. At its peak almost 25 million Americans were involved in some form of running activity.

The effect of this can be seen in popular TV shows where lead characters are often shown running regularly. The memorable ones include Suits, House of Cards and more recently The Diplomat.

People rightly or wrongly attribute the running boom to Nike (as there’s a direct benefit to the company revenues). But two names deserve credit for laying the foundations of the running boom —Dr Ken Cooper and Bill Bowerman.

Dr Ken Cooper through his research proved the cardiovascular health can be improved by running regularly. His book “Aerobics” greatly contributed to the scientific rationale for running.

However, the chief evangeliser of running among masses was Bill Bowerman, a track coach at University of Oregon. Bowerman was introduced to running as a fitness activity during a trip to New Zealand.

He was influenced by a coach named Arthur Lydiard. He brought back this knowledge and wrote a manual that served as national model for fitness programs. He also authored a book called “Jogging” which became a best seller.

Bill Bowerman ended up as a co-founder of Nike (though Phil Knight gets all the credit). The marketing impetus and product innovation required for making a cultural shift in the USA (and subsequently the world) was supercharged by Nike’s efforts.

The Running Scene in India

“Every 90 seconds, a new runner joins this movement,” said Vivek Singh, joint managing director of Procam International, organisers of the Tata Mumbai Marathon (TMM). “In 2004, we started with 10,000 registered runners. Today, in India, 2.5 million people participate in at least one race annually.”

Source: The Print

It’s hard to say who kicked off the running culture in India. One can safely say that there was a trickle down effect from the west. Vivek and Anil Singh, promoters of Procam International (a leading running event organiser) were inspired to start something back home after running the London Marathon in 2003.

But one can safely say a minor running boom is well under way in our country. This is reflected in 65,000 registrations to the Tata Mumbai Marathon (up from 19,000 during the first edition). This has been fuelled by Instagram and social media more than any inspiring athlete or athletic event.

One can see a surge in number of run clubs and coffee raves. People are seeing running as a cool activity. The rewards are multiple even if you exclude good cardiovascular health. The oomph factor and the rush of happy hormones after running are rewards that every runner enjoys.

Though I started running accidentally, I have made it a habit over the last two years. It all started with a 10k run during Vedanta Delhi Half Marathon event in 2024.

So far, I have spent approximately 15k on registrations for six official runs. Further 15k on shoes and apparel. Till this very moment I didn’t even count the spend.

In my opinion, the emotional and health benefits derived far outstrip the costs. During the same time I have lost 10kgs. And one can’t quantify the good mood after finishing a run.

I wanted to find more about the Vedanta Delhi Half Marathon which recently concluded its 20th edition. I ran my sixth half marathon and got my best time ever.

The curious cat in me pulled out data about participation rates since inception. Apparently the peak year is way back in 2019, though the number is slowly growing over the last three years. This is the data I extracted from Gemini.

Should We Pay for Running?

One doesn’t have to pay money for practice runs. We have already paid a lot of taxes for maintenance of public parks in our cities.

So paid running events by clubs don’t make sense to me. That said, waking up early and hanging out with other runners is a far better way to spend money when compared to spends on clubs and alcoholic beverages.

I would still defend paying for big running events where operational costs are involved. I’m unsure whether the organisers of big running events are making a profit, but even if they did they are promoting a healthy habit.

Any enterprise that has a net positive impact on society deserves all the profit it makes, though one can still complain about the trash strewn on streets after these runs.

No matter what you say, people are ready to pay for things that make them look good and feel good. And running events, sure as hell do both.